VE Part 2

As explained yesterday, this specific phobia of VE has become a main issue in my life at the mo.

1. All my housemates are talking about it (not that I'm bothered about it) and they're suggesting ways onto how I could improve the tolerance hence performing VE myself.
2. My room is full of leaflets about contraceptives and gynaecological cancers. Plus speculum (both plastic and metal ones) and swab kits - so that I can practice and familiarize myself using them. (Editor's Note: The fact that she keeps them in her drawer- never intending to ever look at them for the fear of a vasovagal collapse- is not helping. Really!)
3. Telephone conversations to my best friends, my not-so-best friends, my gay best friend, my tutors, my mum- to everyone basically -are all filled with at least 5mins of wailing (or moaning/lamenting) on the fact that I have to perform VE.
   
4. Dreams with visual image of the vagina! God, help me!

Huuuuh! ~long sigh~

Meanwhile the memories from those family planning clinic's sessions continue to haunt me. The visual, auditory and olfactory inputs from the sessions really makes me feel sick.

1. Visual: Coiling threads hanging out of the cervical os. Coiling being remove. Mucus on coil. Blood on coil. Discharges of varying amount and colour. Large vulva, small vulva. Loose vagina canal, tight ones too. Inflammation. Pubic hair! Stain on knickers. Horror-looking swab for high cervical smears.
   
2. Auditory: Patient expressing slight feeling of tugging during coil removal. The sound of the speculum clamping when retracted out of vagina. Sound produced during adjusting the speculum to its best fitting position.
3. Olfactory: Well, infections- need not to say more (Ed: She almost gag during VE of a patient. The smell wasn't that stinky but she thought that it was- p53 being oversensitive with her sense of smell.) Do the patients not wash themselves prior to coming to this clinic? Arrgggghhhh
   

My tutor did asked me whether I'm ready to do the VE myself. To which I answered (easily) : NO. She said next time, I'll be the one doing the speculum insertion and vaginal swab. Gosh! Tactile inputs now... really NOT looking forward for the finger(s) insertion to test for mass and tone(?)

SHARE MY PAIN!