Updates as promised

In photolog style.

Week starting 14th July was one of the busiest week in 4th year. I had (well, ok, all of the 4th yrs had many deadline for this penultimate week of BIGPROJECT). I had to hand in my final draft, prepared powerpoint presentation, present it to supervisor, print my report, get it bind, submit before noon of 18th, make copies and return files. Phew... I ran around like headless chicken then and so did many others.

Then that weekend, I went to BIGCITY to spend my last days with one of my BFF. We did many things together (watching movies, tv, shopping, dining among others) for which I felt slightly flustered about knowing that she was gonna leave UK for good. I am totally gonna miss her.

-pic- flower (and grass!) exhibition in front of BIGCITY's town hall. Passing by in front of the town hall after watching MAMMA MIA at a local cinema. I sang all the way during the end credits and all the way back home on bus. Hehe.


-pic- shopping- yeah. me likey. As my friend needed to do some last minute shopping, I obliged easily to be her shopping assistant. Shopping is GREAT (even for some one else).


Then, we got our presentation on 23 + 24th. I was rather nervous for mine- it went well, thank God. Yaahuooo! I was impressed with some of the other topics. Few panels (5 panels aka examiner for each session) were really giving students hard time asking for what seem like difficult questions.

-pic- no pic from inside the lecture theatre- had pic from the outside instead. By the pond. Hmm.. the ducklings are now very big and strong albeit ugly (hehe, cannot help but say that sentence!)


Then my housemates, BFF and I went to Cheshire Oaks for massive summer shopping. I bought many pretty things. My friends bought many more pretty things. We were HAPPY!

-pic- me trying on stuff- the pants/trousers is super nice!!!


-pic- one day worth of shopping- yippee

updates as promised

Hi ya all.

Updates updates updates.
Nothing majorly interesting but certainly they were significant for me.

17th July
I presented my project to my supervisor and another consultant (my supervisor is now away on a holiday at the time of writing, so someone else has to replace him at the ACTUAL presentation). They were rather concern about the presentation of the presentation. yeah, that's right, about the background colour and the font choice. My supervisor said and I quote

"You may think that red background is a good background colour, saucy even. But I think if we chance it to silver-greyish, I think its sexy"

And I was like "are you kidding me?"

So I changed some part of the presentation and sent it off to the admin peeps.

18th July
Deadline for submission of written report of our BIGPROJECT.
Me and BFF went to Staples in town and got them reports bound. I have never been to the Staples. So I was a bit gleeful entering a stationary heaven like that. Ooo-- look at that, ooo- look at this.

At the time, I must have sounded like a kid in a candy store. A loud one.

But really nice pens and brightly coloured papers bring out the inner child in me. Ha!

So I sent off my written report and felt as if I done something out of world. Its my baby really, but smudged with swear words (while I was doing it). I was so glad to part with the report. It is like a curse in itself. Making my life so miserable. I will write a reflective piece about the BIG PROJECT. Later.

At this moment of time, I want to bitch about my housemate no. 4 as she has been a total pain in the ass for the last few days. But I will throw a bitch fit later. Need to vent out somehow.

19th July
Was in BIGCITY. At my friend's house.
Good days.
We (three girlie girls) went to watch MAMMA MIA.
oh, and a what a brilliant movie it was.
I had to continuously remind myself to not to sing out loud. Which is very difficult as I know most of the songs. Ah.
There were kids in front of us who waved their hands to the ABBA renditions.
So cute.

My favourite song would have to be "slipping through my fingers" I could so envision my mom singing that to me, apart from the the fact that she never sing. Ha. I will possibly sing this song to my daughter. Oh, so sad.



I swear, it brings tear to my eyes every time.

"If you change your mind, I'm the first in line"

There were 3 old men (60-ish) sitting behind us in the cinema. They started singing (during the end credits) so I could NOT just allow them to sing with me sitting quietly in my seat. So I stood up and sang. Ha. So me!

To those who havent watch it- go and watch it asap.
Really.

20th July
Shopping shopping shopping.

21st July
One of my best friend is leaving UK for good. She completed her undergraduate course here in the BIGCITY and decided to work in our home country rather than doing her Foundation Year training here.
I was of course so sad. aih.
This girl is one of the best person I've ever met.
Never judge me- although I have to admit that my life is abnormal in a lot of sense. Always supportive and wise.
I take her as my big sis (as I dont have one) and definitely will miss her dearly.
I would have cry if it were just me and her at the airport, but since there were also presence of other not-so-close people, I knew I should not. Public display of emotion is abnormal in our culture. But then again, everything about me is abnormal.
Babe, let me tell you this- I was crying inside then, what if I fall sick missing you?

22nd July
Practiced my oral presentation.
And did a bit of house cleaning. We are moving out of this house towards the end of July so the house will be free for rent. Two group of viewers came to visit. One dissed the house. HOW DARE! (the wife is actually a frigging complainer who threw insults to the house). And the other group signed for the house. They are the lucky group, this house is so pretty.

23rd July
First day of presentation.
A lot of very good topics.
Put me to shame.
Was absolutely tired toward the end of the day (honestly, some presentations just sent me straight to my lala land even in the lecture theatre)

quick note

Hi all.
I am practicing for my BIGPROJECT presentation. Like now.
Hours 1150 24th July, after that... yaahhoooooo!

So will update about my good weekend, losing voice (!), the presentation and the end of year 4 (finally) in the next entry.
Watch the space.

Do pray that I will be able to answer all the questions that will be fired at me.
Thanks.
p53.

My Sincerest Thank

I would like to express my sincerest thank to my BIGPROJECT Tutor, Dr Supervisor, for his guidance and support throughout this project.

Haa.. what the hell was that?
That was the acknowledgment bit of my written report. Which could only mean one thing- yeah I finished my report- hell yeah!

But that was what I wrote on the acknowledgment bit. Actually what I wanted to do was to write a heartfelt letter for him.

It should go like this:-



Dear Dr Supervisor,

Thanks for being my supervisor.
THANKS (with such intonation- like whatever).
But no, thanks really.

First, thanks for having me as your student.
I'm one hell of a problem. Sure you didn't know that when you agreed to be my supervisor. Have you ever feel like backing out from being my supervisor? I wonder.

Thanks for putting up with me when I argued about basically about everything especially at the beginning of the project.

And putting up with my English. Written and spoken.

Thanks so much for proofreading my written report so many times. Grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, syntax errors, presentation, formatting etc. Thanks supervisor. It was very helpful.

Thanks for allowing me to use your computer and printer. I printed so many things that I could have easily killed a tree myself.

It's amazing how our passwords are similar. I know, great minds think alike.

Thanks for fighting for/with me with the people downstairs. They are just lazy.

Right from the very beginning, it has always been a love and hate relationship between us.
You behave like Jekyll and Hyde, being nice and all then flipping quickly into something mean.
Its only fair as I behave like an unstable matter, being present at once and disappearing for the next (few?) days.

You was very demanding.
I told you, I was pretty laid back. So that's why I put down my feet when you asked me to do extra work.
All excuses about timing and logistics were purely lies. Sorry.
I have to live by my principle.

Sorry again for not telling you I went for a holiday. I just didn't want to make you feel sad to be left in rainy and soggy UK while I was enjoying myself in the sun. I guess it's ok now that you're going to some hot countries in the Middle East for holiday starting from tomorrow.

Sorry for the countless cursing that were direct or indirectly associated with you. I do curse. Like many others. When you saw smile on my face, half of the time I was thinking, it would be so nice if I could kill you. Sweet victory.

When you laughed at few things that I said or wrote, I thought, wow you have a very good English, but then when I thought again, your comments were not far from being pure sarcasm.

I wasn't bothered though. Which I guess must had been manifested clearly on my face. And yours turned red. Do you remember that? Ha.

Sorry. **silence for half a min here**

Sorry too for all the disappearing act that I had done in the last three months. The skill has somehow improved. hehe.

Do I enjoy working with you? I asked myself. Yes and no, yes on the good days, but no for the days that you almost killed me mentally.

Now let me ask you, do you enjoy working with me?

Will I do this again with you? No thanks.
Will I do a placement in cancer department again? Hmmm.. tough question.. I have always like cancer, but after doing this project I feel as if I don't want anything to do with oncology for the rest of my life. The bitter taste of my own medicine. Probably that was highly influenced by the fact that I had to do all the boring stuff. Reading case notes, doing statistics and writing report. These things weren't exactly patient centered. I do seriously miss patients' contact.

Why the hell that I chose you in the first place?
(come on readers are dying to know)
You're eccentric. As simple as that. I thought I'd rather work with someone eccentric than working with someone plain boring.
Eccentric in what way? That I cant really explain. Hardworking- crazy- funny- weird hybrid kind of person. Difficult to second guess. Difficult to get along with.

Extremely clever. Too clever even for some of my tricks. Tsk..tsk..tsk.

Cross my fingers that I'll be as clever but less as crazy as you.

Thanks now can you give me high mark please?
p53 xoxo

Portfolio exercise for foundation application

huh.. a very serious topic... so not like me... but let me tell you all about it- just for a bit....

Amidst all the datelines of BIGPROJECT, we had a portfolio session slotted in our timetable today. Some big shots from BIGCITY came. OoOoOo...

Loads of things crossed my mind, few of which crossed my lips- shared with others. Fellow students seemed to have better example. But what you've learn personally thats count!
Got a moment where ideas of which example will be the best experience for the different sections of the foundation application... (sections that everyone kinda expected to be in the application anyway.. like teamwork)

I certainly never paid much attention to getting my portfolio done consistently with substance. Like many others, portfolio is a thing of a one or two days of frenzy prior to portfolio meeting... wham bang and voila... People from most of the other medical schools don't even have to do it. Trust me it helps (gosh, I cant believe I'm actually saying this- it helps a bit if not much). Reflection upon reflection really does make me think about ways to improve myself.

So bring on the foundation application!

Question time

Does anyone has any idea what the diagram above is about?
GBP1.00 to correct guesses (limited to first 3 correct guesses- will be paid through PayPal).
Seriously.

Afterthoughts

Last weekend was tough. I came very close to getting depressed. All because of this stupid BIG PROJECT that seems like its never gonna end. I wrote a very negative entry previously and I apologized to those who had (unluckily) read it. I deleted it as it didnt completely represent me and the nice person I am. Psst.. It was p35, an evil-ridden person in me that will come out when I'm feeling stressed out.

So yet again another weekend spent slaving to the need of completing project report. And what difficult task it was. It took me hours to figure out which statistical analysis is relevant the weekend before and this weekend more hours to figure out how to present them. However discussion section was by far the most difficult part for me.

Why oh why do we have to suffer like this?

Weather was not great. It was shit in fact. I can't wait until this Big Project finishes, then I can go to southern europe for my holiday. I'm counting days.

Due to this project and its demanding need (especially compulsory meetings with supervisor ACCORDING TO HIS FREE-TIME) I had missed few but very major things.
i) My best friend's graduation day in BIGCITY. ARRRGHHHH!
ii) I couldn't go to wave off my best friend's at the airport when she was leaving UK for good.
iii) A trip of a lifetime to Italy.

I absolutely hate this project now. Like I said, I'm counting days.

Repent

Repent! Repent! Repent!

Abbreviations

F! PO!

How to have an amazing bath

oi) get the stuff ready.... you will need things to revive your senses. *more on this later*
ii) prepare yourself... if needs be prep up yourself by chanting (I will have nice bath today x5) from the break of dawn until it actually happen... there's something about anticipation that is really enticing...
iii) make sure no one will need the bathroom for the next 1 hour... leave notes, just lock yourself in- to hell about other ppl; do whatever to secure precious slot (even more so in a house of 5 girls)

Things you may need....
i) Hot water... I usually run the water very very hot. Almost scalding point to others I reckon, but I likkkkeeee.... Some ppl like it shallow, some may want it deep. Mine is brimming to the edges.
ii) Super nice smelling bubble bath/soap/gel. Last night I had a bath bomb from L.U.S.H. How very posh? I had it for ages (almost forgotten about it)... it has got some sort of sea salt/sand in it. I haven't been to a beach for a long long time, but I'm certain that the taste of the water (when it splashed, not me drinking it) was that of a sea origin.
iii) Loofah, sponge and the likes.
iv) Candle(s). Just to set the mood- switch of the light and watch the light flickers.. which is very soothing me thinks.
v) Book. A good one. *Details about the book that I'm currently reading will be in the next entry.*
vi) Coffee. Yeah- weird I know... but try having a cup of nicely brew HOT coffee.
vii) Music if you want to. Or sing it yourself. Like me.

Having a long hot bath is a spiritual act for me. Cleansing and rejuvenating. Feel the softness of the bubble around your skin, hear the music and let it crosses your heart, close your eyes and imagine the flicker of the candle wick, tempt your tastebuds with strong flavour and read book that you like. Put in few drops of essential oil to heighten sensation. Escape into your own universe and forget about the world for a moment. Take time to reflect and be thankful to God.

Now imagine these.

*The water is so hot that when you get out of the bath, a steam of vapour radiate from your skin. Like dry ice on display.
*I'm only thin, when I breathe in, my body kinda float above the water. The alternating floating out and sinking in is highly amusing.
*Try singing with both ears submerged under the water level. The sound that you can hear is purely that of bone conduction. And I love this song.
*Dont you just like the squeaky clean sensation on the calves after exfoliation and the cling of protective later of bath ingredients on your shoulder?

PS: Now who would like to share a bath with me?

In patient's shoes

Pardon the cliche.

I was a patient today. Have got some sort of procedure done to my eyes. Sheeesh. It wasn't painful at all but I still felt sorry for myself. I walked out of the hospital straight into a bed (at a friend's place). At first I thought I want to cry, but then I thought again- if it wasn't painful, why the hell should I cry. Possibly I'm feeling SOOOOOOO sorry for myself.

With all things being said about NHS and its downfall, I beg to differ. NHS isn't that bad. Waiting time (to get a follow-up appointment) is probably longer than what I would have like it to be, but at point of service delivery, its up to the standard. All the staff at the Eye Ward treated me with respect. No.. its not just the cup of coffee that they offered me after the procedure that won me over, it was the great service that I received the entire time I was there.

Prior to the procedure*, I was consented by my ophthalmologist. (Editor's Note: Notice p53 habit of calling any doctor as hers, MY ophthalmologist, MY consultant) Let us call him Mr V. I've met Mr V before this. He explained the procedure and all the time I gazed into his blue eyes. How appropriate? A decent man with gorgeous eyes as an ophthalmologist. Aw.. He is definitely one of the doctors that could easily be someone who I want to be like. Very charming.

After inserting two set of silicon into my eyes, he said: "that's beautiful"

And I was like, oh...(dopey-eyed) thank you Mr V. But I didn't.

He must have meant it for me right? He couldn't be referring to the silicon right? Its just merely a microscopic object that he has probably seen millions times before.

But in my parallel, imaginary world I would have said so. "That's beautiful" will refer to my eye(s). Yours truly.

So there you go. I have got silicon somewhere in my eyes.

Now at the time of writing (which about 12 hours post procedure) I still am feeling sorry for myself. Even the best bath** I ever had could not lift my spirit up. So, don't mess around with me tonight.

*Procedure: insert silicon to lacrimal ducts to prevent dry eyes to further prevent damage to corneas. I had temporary ones inserted into them ducts about a month ago.
**Story about the best bath in next entry.

Weekend Alert

So many things happened the weekend just past, I don't even know where to start. And half of these things are so personal, I can't just write them all down.* Although if the weekend could be translated into a biography, it'll certainly attract many many readers. So many drama!

The weekend was all about my friends, BIG CITY, some one leaving on a jet plane (woo!), a flawed proposal, a fake smile, my best friend's wedding(!), roses, shopping, wedding gifts, my crush, another wedding announcement, Angelina Jolie and James Mc Avoy, Wimbledon's final and food GLORIOUS food.

The myriad of emotions that rushed over me all weekend was tough to explain here. I'm very weird in that sense; for everything that happened my feeling is usually OTT. Intensified close to being an emotional wreck at times.

As I don't feel comfortable telling all the stories here, I'll include excerpts from few songs instead to enable you guys to imagine what had taken over me- emotionally.

• Then again it's good to get a call
  Now and then just to say hello
  Have I said I hate to see you go..... (for the one leaving on the jet plane!)
  
• No, this is how it works
  You peer inside yourself
  You take the things you like
  And try to love the things you took
  And then you take that love you made
  And stick it into some
  Someone else's heart
  Pumping someone else's blood
  And walking arm in arm
  You hope it don't get harmed
  But even if it does
  You'll just do it all again....(is this how love should evolve in my world?)
• Love each other or perish.... (ok, this one is not from a song, a quote from a fav book of mine)

*I'm not good in expressing myself that way...

A lil' concert

Last night I went to a little charity concert do at a local park organized by fellow students to raise money for a charity in Bangladesh. The thing about this concert was that, even though that it was really small scale business (nothing like Glastonbury), it felted really warm. Warm - not the temperature warm- but the warmth that glow from within knowing that you had done something good for the day by helping others. All collection (from ticket sales and cakes sales) and donation will go towards building a school for blind children in Bangladesh.

Ok enough about that. Now on to highlights of the night.

i) My BIG PROJECT tutor performed!!! Yeah, he did. And he did look like he was completely enjoying himself on the centre stage. He was in a two man band with another consultant. They played us few songs which I reckon must be very famous songs in their era. Because I hardly know any! ha! So maybe I can get away yet for another few days not writing up as his is in such a good mood.

ii) My O&G consultant was there too! Remember him? You guys maybe wondering why were there so many consultants and medic students there - oh well- what do you expect - an event organized by medical students for medical students and consultants. Performers were the same group again + few budding talents from local university.

iii) Oppps.. this gonna be about my O&G consultant again. haha. I looooveeeee him. I said and I'm quoting myself "He is the best looking 50y-o man, hands down!" One of my friends said and I quote "But he got small bum!" haha. HM#1 came very close to blurting out to him that I (yes, I = p53) have a crush on him. Sigh - what if i really do?

iv) One of my friends sang. Beautifully. It was a Eva Cassidy's rendition of Sting's song. I never heard of it before, but apparently it is very famous. Her voice was impeccable. But I know deep down she must had been very nervous. You can just tell from the look of the corner of her eyes. No direct eyes contact with audience.

v) One of my male friends played saxophone (which was fantastic- never thought that one playing saxophone can attract so much attention) and one of my friends (a girl from the year below) almost died. Not literally. Die of ecstasy (also not the literal meaning) more like it. haha. She has always like this guy. Let me give a brief description about this guy: more than 6' tall, tan, well-toned, muscular, well-mannered, out-of-bed golden brunette hair, greenish-brown eyes. So imagine how he looks like. Now. He has a girlfriend though. A pretty one too. So bless him.

vi) Me and my friend asked my O&G consultant to ask the other two performing consultants for our behalf; for a 5 min session with them. O boy, I almost died of intimidation of singing to two most respectable gynae-onco doctors in the Trust. It was life-changing! My friend sounded much better than me, I have to say.

Excuses

You guys know right how am I struggling to do my BIG PROJECT? Yeah, I'm still am. I find it very hard to concentrate on doing work and getting on with all the data processing. Yet I still have time to do everything else non-work related such as: singing, learning how to play guitar, going for dinners, BBQs, baking and volunteering.

Last Sunday, it came to realization that I ran out of excuses to give to my tutor already. Shit. Shit indeed. By that time I was shitting my pants thinking about what to say to him (as opposed to actually thinking of how to gradually doing my work) come Monday. So I stayed up all night, hell yeah, all night and Monday morning to alter of my poorly written article.

So, Monday morning, having not sleeping for God knows how many hours since Sunday, I went in all black eyes and rough. I presented to him my findings and whoop whoop...... my (crap) statistical analysis. He said well done. Yeehaa!

That's it. I'm done until at least next Wed.

For readers benefit, I'll write down excuses that I had given so far. Please do not use these excuses as they may not work for others (although ALL of them did work for me in a plausible way).

i) I'm unwell.
ii) I woke up late.
iii) I need to go down to BIG CITY.
iv) I've got a doctor appointment.
v) I'm volunteering.
vi) I haven't done that bit because I've been busy doing the other part.
vii) I want to re-write that section as I am NOT satisfy with what I had written down so far.
viii) I need to read few more papers before I can write the critical appraisal.
ix) I'm done with reading research papers that you suggested, but I haven't written down anything.
x) I don't know where to start.
xi) I need to read some statistics books before I can analyze the data, I haven't have a clue how to.
xii) I have a meeting with the statistician next week, until then I can't really analyze my data.
xiii) I had written them, but I haven't print them out.
xiv) I need to collect some more data.
xv) I forget that I promised you that I will meet you then. Sorrrrrrrryyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! I completely forgot!!!
xvi) After I read the guideline, I think I need to change few things.
xvii) I have not done the change I said I will. Erkk!!