Top 10 Songs from 2007

No 10: Worried about Ray (The Hoosiers)
No 9: Rule the World (Take That)
No 8: How to Save a Life (The Fray)
No 7: Escape (Gwen Stefani)
No 6: Makes Me Wonder (Maroon 5)
No 5: Shine (Take That)
No 4: About You Now (Sugababes)
No 3: Bleeding Love (Leona)
No 2: Ruby (The Kaiser Chiefs)
No 1: Umbrella (Rihanna)

From The Top 100 Songs of 2007 of The Hits Chart (available on DAB radio or Freeview) based on requests and weekly charts throughout the year. Oh boy that Umbrella song really made it this year. Sensational as described by the deejays.

And of course this is from a UK chart, you dope! That's why there are so many UK artists in the top 10. Don't think that the situation would be similar to any other world-established charts, say the MTV.

I personally think that the awful obvious accent by majority of UK singers' (especially bands lead singers) isn't appealing to listeners. One group from Yorkshire sound like they are singing in different language all together. Although I have to admit that few UK singers are so good- like The Oasis.

Songs that I love didn't make it to the top ten. (Foundation- Kate Nash, Beautiful Girls-Sean Kingston ---though they are quite higher up in the list). And I grow a liking for Girls Aloud with time. I am quite certain by now I can sing along to all their hit singles. Guilty pleasure, I know.

P.S: Happy New Year!!! Hope everyone has wonderful things in store for the coming year. I have no idea at all what's gonna happen next year nor anything planned yet. New year resolutions, I heard you asked??! Hmm, don't normally have any.

BIG CITY- Post X-mas

Shopping--> I spent more money than I should have had. Ai. Bought myself few items. But some of them cost a fortune (for me at least). The sale was not disappointing- only that I just don't have the privilege of spending lavishly -being a student and a recurrent spendthrift myself. All in all, I was happy with all the stuff that I've gotten (the best one: brown deer skin big handbag- oh so soft!!) (Editor's Note: Everytime p53 handed her credit card to the cashier, she prayed that it's not over the limit just yet. Seriously!)

Previously, I can only have the tuna sub or any of those uninteresting veggie options when I go to SUBWAYs. After shopping on Friday, I came across one of the HALAL Subways in BIGCITY. Yeay! (These days, more and more HALAL Subways are being opened). Yeay! again. Me and my few friends walked in; practically salivating. Ironically, as it was Friday, Sub of the Day was: TUNA!!! I had to go for the full price option, a foot-long Steak and Cheese- my fav. (Except that when I ordered I said: 6-foot please! to the Sub's workers' amusement. 6-in or 1-foot?)

Watched The Kite Runner. Not bad at all. I half predicted that the movie not gonna be anywhere as good as the book. I was touched when I read the book (long time ago). Some parts were of course edited-out, but those pictured were done so beautifully. Cinematography was splendid. The storyline was full of values. By the end of the movie, I was surrounded by sobbing people (to my right: my very girlie friends, to my left: a 20-ish girl cried on her Bf's shoulder, in front of me: Old couple sobbed together). I, however, found that it wasn't as touching as the book. A lot more emotions and feelings being described in the book by the main character. Nevertheless, this is a movie that I would certainly recommend to others.

Now I'm back in SmallCity, back home. Dreading the days to come.

Neurorehabilitation

Haa.. finally.. a medically related topic.

I just finished writing up my case report on Neurorehabilitation. And boy, what a long time it took me to complete the report. I couldn't concentrate on the report, for various reasons:-

1. The layout of the main sections of the report was dictated by my supervisor right from the very beginning. There were 9 questions that I have to answer about a specific patient (with brain injury). Meaning that, like it or not, I have to answer the fecking questions. Mind you, they are not questions with clear cut answers, but rather questions that require critical thinking and certainly no bluffing. (eg: Where do you think the patient is in his rehabilitation journey?) Bloody hekk!
2. I have no interest what so ever in pursuing my career in Rehabilitation Medicine. Some people may find that it is absolutely interesting, but I'm just not one of that people. For me, in my humble opinion, I cannot deal with such matter. The work is a bit too dull, seeing same patients over and over again, very long patient turnover, chronic pain management, and most importantly, I don't think I can handle the fact that most of the patients in in-patient neurorehabilitation have poor prognosis. I'm just too cheerful for all that bleak outlook.
3. I cannot write what I want. Previous reports that I've written are all case study with emphasis on current clinical trials and latest research. I like all the newest discoveries. For Rehabilitation Medicine, most of papers that I've read are either inconclusive or suggesting further studies on the subject matter. It was damn hard trying to reference the report!

Anyways, I managed to scourge for 25 different references and ended up with ~4100words. And I designed this beautiful cover for my report. Hah! Glad that I finished it finally. Now I can watch as much tv and sleep as much as I want without the guilt.

Movies watched since that: Monsters Inc. and The Terminal
Dishes cooked since that: Chicken in Red Spicy Sauce
Desserts made since that: Apple Crumble and Fruit Cocktail Jelly and loads of Pancakes.

I'm going to BIG CITY first thing in the morning. Some post-Christmas shopping need to be done. I need (NEED!!) to buy harness and climbing shoes. And possibly (not in so much need, hehe) some pretty shoes.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone.

First thing I did when I woke up--> Sent out few texts to my dear friends. Received few myself. Peeked out through my thick curtain, nope- no sign of snow. The day was bright and sunny instead. Boo!

I'm not doing anything special today. Just stay (and sleep) at home and watch TV. Watched Finding Nemo on TV (3pm GMT.) "Fishes are friends, not food!"

Now waiting for Love Actually. (This gonna be the 4th time i'm watching it) What a saddo! Nevermind, let me tell you my fav scene from the movie. Right at the end when colin firth proposed to that pretty portugese girl in Portugese (language) while everyone (girl's family members) waited in excitement. So sweet.

Currently listening to: Marie Digby -Stupid for you.

3 A.M.

Yeah, it's 3AM and I'm still working on my project option (reading stuff regarding lung toxicity and its predictors- eurrghh!) All because my tutor (who is apparently working all day this week and presumably not celebrating Christmas) is meeting me today at 9AM. Apart from reading and quoting all the journals, I also have to relearn how to use StatDirect as calculation tool for Excel. Nice. NOT.

I need to complete my case report on NeuroRehabilitation too (still needing ~1000words).

This sound more like a medical student, right? Burning midnight oil, sweating on last minute tasks. Well, not really last minute if I didn't procrastinate in the first place. Boo!

P.S: My tutor is certainly a Christians. He just doesn't like Christmas. Weirdo!
P.S2: I'm a weirdo too as I'm working with him tomorrow when it is clearly my holiday. Boo!!!

4 Movies in 1 Day

Yesterday, I missed the first half of the day as I woken up very late. (shocking!!?) The day started to get dark by the time I finished my shower. Gosh. It was really cold yesterday (-3celcius). There was frost on the street in front of my house. Like what I always say to my friends: This cold is good for nothing when there's no SNOW!!

I sorted out my bruncher- haha- breakfast+lunch+dinner (that's how late I woke up) and agreed to watch movies with HM#1 in her room. As her room was already nice and warm, I gladly joined her with mugs and mugs of tea. Shows on TV are very very good around this time of year.

The first movie we watched was: My Neighbour Totoro.

It was a happy-ending children Japanese movie. Totoro is actually somekind of a forest spirit. There are 3 of these spirits and the biggest one is super kawaii (Editor's Note: p53 like that word and she has been waiting quite a long time to be able the word meaning: cute!). Cat Bus is rather weird. But then again this a fantasy world. It was by Hayao Miyazaki, the director of Spirited Away- one of my fav movie of all time.

Then, I wanted to watch Aladdin the Pantomime.

I wanted to watch it because I have always like and support pantomime, despite HM#1 utter resentment. But I got away this time as really good (UK) actors and actresses were in it. Patsy Kensit was in it. What I didn't get about the panto was: Why is the setting in Peking, China? Aladdin comes from the Arabs countries as far as I'm concerned. Anyways, the show was brilliant. The jokes were awful, but as with any other British jokes, the awfulness in itself make them hilariously funny. Crackling!


HM#2 joined us to the cinema. On the way there, we decided on what to watch and that was a small duel. I wanted to watch St Trinian's. HM#1 said that if the film is bad, it's gonna be my fault, as she wanted to watch Enchanted (which I've already watched last week). I was certain that it gonna be a good one as Colin Firth is in it. So does Russell Brand.

The storyline was slightly unreal for me, with ideas from Mission Impossible and a lot of teen-flick movies. huh. I can recognize most of the actresses. (Ed: p53 later think that the fact that she can recognize most of them is worrying- She's getting a bit too close to British's film scene. She used to loathe it with all her heart). I like the movie though and some of the scene looked like pages of my own life, me being a proper delinquent at one time. :0

The last movie that we watched was: Stardust

One hell of a movie! Absolutely wicked! We watched this at home, streaming from omegatube.com, so we have all the priviledgeof screaming and o awwwing at all the scenes. Charlie Cox looked so fit in the smart clothes given by Robert DeNiro. Robert DeNiro is a pirate with a gold heart, so kind. He danced around to some Mozart songs as he has this fetish for female garments. Entertaining!! I didn't like Claire Danes at first, she's just too plain to be a 'star' but boy, she knows how to carry her character! Love story always make my heart glowed. So sweet. All three of us agreed that this is the best movie of 2007.

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

Awwwww.....
A good ending to my movie day ain't it?

Today: I sat at home in front of TV and watched nonsense program. Contemplating whether I should re-watch Stardust. Haha.

Eiduladha and a story of a virgin

Eiduladha was celebrated on Wed 19th Dec 2007 in Great Britain. I was invited to go to my friend's place in the North East. Last year I celebrated Eiduladha with the same family. So I guess, this gonna be a tradition for me from now on. My friend is actually one of my dear housemates (whom will be referred to as HouseMate Number 1- HM#1). HouseMate Number 2- HM#2 tagged along quite happily.

Eiduladha is a celebration of sacrifice in relation to the story of one of the prophets. Normally Muslims all over the world pay respect to this Eid by giving offerings of meat of freshly butchered (HALAL!) on the morning of the Eid itself. Offerings go to the less fortunate ones. Like orphans, poor people, families struggling with a lot of kids. Money from the selling of the meat will be channeled for good cause. Those who buy the offerings will usually cook the meat and then serve them for guests (close families, long-lost families, friends and neighbours).

The teaching of Islam is so good, it can't be wrong. It is all about peace, loving, sharing and helping. I will explain more if I know how to write them in good pieces. All Islamic teachings I received was in my mother tongue during my younger years. So I don't know what are the translation for quite a large number of words. And I think its a shame for me not being able to explain about Islam when I'm a Muslim. I'm not in anyway super religious, but I'm certainly a practicing Muslim. Insya-Allah.

Ok, back to the Eid celebration. I knew that there was going to be loads of food. HM#1's mom is an excellent cook. She cooked the offerings in traditional Indian-Subcontinential cooking. Her family had a load of guests on Wed, guests being close families friends. I helped in serving them. And ate a lot too. HM#1's dad kept on asking us to have second helpings. Me and HM#2 had no problem at all with that and even extended the helpings to the 3rd and 4th. (Editor's Note: P53 and her appetite. tut tut tut...)

Earlier on that day me, HM#2 and HM#1's family went for an Eid prayer at a mosque in town. I felt so happy to see so many Muslims standing shoulders-to-shoulders during the congregation prayer. I hardly have anything like that in Small City. The Muslims population in Small City is quite big but there's no mosque nearby where I live that can accommodate to female members for congregation prayer. There were a bigger proportion of Arabs in that mosque and I tried to strike conversations with some of Arabs female. They were all really really nice. And pretty too.

HM#1 has a sister. Like all sisters in the world (me and my sisters included), disagreement is mutual. They are so different from each other and have small cat-fights all the times. But I know, deep down HM#1 loves her sis. Her sis is quite pleasant person to know actually. She taught me a new hairdo style and put massive loads of make-up on HM#2 for all the time we were at her house. Which was something new.

HM#2 is a make-up virgin. HM#1's sister coaxed her to use some, and offered to do the full deal on her face and my God, how she transformed after that was an achievement! HM#2 did look gorgeous with all the pink-theme make-ups. Cute! I think she should use make-ups more often, like everyday, hehe, as she already has good skin to start off with. With a bit of enhancement, she looks million dollars. She think that putting make-ups will take a lot of time saying that she will have to wake up early to be able to do so. (Ed: That, my dear, is p53's concern too! Sleepy and Reasonably Pretty-- Dare to sacrifice sleep to look pretty?)

Girls will always be girls, just how boys will always be boys.

Anyway, I wish I could celebrate Eid with my own family back in my hometown regardless how much fun I'm having in this foreign land. Which would mean that I have to fly for millions of miles for thousands of hours and more importantly spend hundreds of quids on tickets. I'm super skint now so 600pounds is definitely gonna crush my budget. Would anyone be generous enough to sponsor my trip there pronto?

Back home, my families will give our share fare of meat offerings. My mum said she will cook meat until it becomes supple and then invite all the neighbours. Most of my cousins, uncles and aunts will be there. I could actually hear all of them when I called home on the Eid day. O how I miss the whole atmosphere with familiar faces. And loves. I am never the kind of girl that will go mushy and softy with the whole home-sick business but I definitely miss them in times like this.

Little Things That Make Me Happy Today

I woke up early today (for a change!) and what a BIG difference it was. I certainly woke up on the right side of the bed. Even when I slept diagonally across it. I opened my eyes to beautiful morning's light. Happily got out of my bed and stepped into shower. No queue as it was 6 (bloody) AM.

It felt so good to be able to eat breakfast peacefully while watching Everybody Loves Raymond. Usually I have a tub of yogurt on the run, be it while walking or waiting for bus or in the bus itself.

I paid for my bus ticket with loose coins. Usually the driver wont appreciate this. This morning with a bit of luck and smile, the driver accepted my three pounds worth of coins rather gratefully. And that was not 3 x one pound coins but rather a collection of many 20pence coins.

The bus got stuck in the morning rush but I was so glad to be in the bus at the very moment. Kids on their way to school. (Eligible?) bachelors going to work in smart suits. Old couples going to the market. Sun was shining quite brightly providing a stark contrast to frost on the grass in every one's front yard. Then pedestrians walking with steams coming out as they breathe. I just love it all.

I went to the surgery for a GP appointment. It felt so different being in a patient's shoes. Half of the time I was guessing what would be his next question. Playing guess is nice!

I got on the bus with similar driver on my way back. He greeted me with loads of smile. Good to know that he remembered me.

When I arrived at the hospital, I saw a big Christmas tree in front of the Maternity Unit. And the jolly people who are decorating it were singing "12 Days of Christmas" and passing silver glass bubble. Awwww... so pretty!

At the education centre:
i) Friendly Librarians
ii) Lovely bump of one of the staff who is 7months pregnant. She just glowed with radiance.
iii) Hot chocolate
iv) Tall, handsome orthopaedics surgeon smiled and said hi to me.

I went to see my patient to give him a Christmas card. He was purely elated. O, Bless him.

So, these are the things I'm missing due to my profound love for sleeping?

What a weekend!

Since receiving our OSCE result, I've been moaning to my friends and housemates about how boring my life is right now. As I haven't plan anything for my winter holiday, I DO NOT have anything to look forward to. Which is KILLING ME, big time!

I hate the way I have to go through a day with uncertainties. Days without definite plan. I wish for something interesting to come up (or for my friends to come up with something interesting!). Wishing for more money to be wire in by responsible parties so I can go out shopping. Lack of funding definitely limits what I could do.

And I hate the way my days just went pass without anything significant. Its a well-known fact that I love to sleep, but since Friday my sleeping had gone wayyyyy overboard. Its like a sleep-awake pattern gone pear shaped. Waking up by midday and missing breakfast! Feeling tired all the time. And gosh, I find it difficult to fall asleep at night (and I only got myself to blame for that).

So...(Briefly what happened this weekend)

Friday night: Downloading stuff from internet. Massive loads of them especially latest songs. Facebooking and poking! I should have some work done for my case report but I was so not in the mood. Feck it!

Saturday morning and afternoon: GONE. Woke up too late. I called my gay best friend and invited him over for a sleepover.

Saturday evening: I cooked dinner. He said my cooking has improved since he last visited our house. I was quite proud of myself as I made everything from scratch. My housemates (2 of them) joined us for dinner and were well impressed with the menu.

Saturday night: One of my housemates came out with a suggestion for a facial time. To which my gay best friends shrieked with delights. After a face massage and a layer of mask later, I was well happy. Hehe. I had the 'Honey and Oat Mask' from BODYSHOP. The other option available was: 'Blue Corn-Deep Exfoliating Mask' which I despise and will avoid at all cost. I've tried it once and I almost die. Too harsh for my lovely face. (Editor's Note: It stings like hell!)

Late Saturday night: Gossips. Ranting about how crap our life is (well, just me I think). And about teachers and consultants. Whoops!

Sunday Late Afternoon: Again, missed the best part of the morning! Went out to town. Bought a bundle of Christmas cards and lots of chocolate.

Sunday evening: My gay best friend cooked dinner. Lovely! It was a special dish which turned out so delicious. Very different to my version. Whenever I try to cook this dish, I always use short-cuts. (Mental note to self: Cook properly as instructed)

Sunday night: We (me, gay friend and one of my housemates) went to a friend's place for a movie. A movie and lots of 'Little Britain'. To my delights, she baked brownies! The brownies are a legend themselves. Absolutely yummy. Ironically, my friend doesn't like it!

Sunday late night: Sorting out my hard drive. My computer is running slow these days. I think its gonna crash sooner or later. And a little more of downloading. And writing up Christmas cards well-wishes.

Hope you guys (i.e. my avid readers *ahem*) have a much better weekend.

On Monday, I have few tasks to attend to and will be going to BIG CITY (late evening?) There's a celebration coming on Wednesday. I'll be there in my new dress. Weehooo!

OSCE's Result

OSCE's result was out this afternoon (1200hour G.M.T 14th Dec 07). Hours were spent worrying about the outcomes (well, not me at least, as I slept the whole morning- just to be woken up by my gay best friend, asking in a rather camp way- what is your result, huuuunnneyyy?) I was quite certain by then that he must has passed, as he sounded perky!

Gosh, all the worst nightmares were about to come true, except that they didn't. Goodlord!I passed my mine. So did my close colleagues (with very minimal scoring differences). Which only means one thing: Another reason for celebration! That and the fact that our Xmas break starts today. Eurostar trip anyone?

OSCE stands for Objective Structured Clinical Examination. It was a totally grueling experience for students. 14 stations (5mins each) back to back. With questions spanning across 3 modules: Psychiatry, Orthopaedics and Neurology. Passing mark: 54%. Failing this OSCE will make future life a living hell. (Have to repeat it and cancel any plan of overseas' Electives and extra work/teaching in 5th year- No thanks!)

I don't think OSCE is fair/legitimate way for assessing student. Period.

i) 5mins for each station? That is like ending the interview as soon as you finish the introduction part. Never in my clinical life an interview had ever been that quick. On average 15-35mins depending on which specialties. Take this for example: Doing a full risk assessment on a chap that attempted suicide in 5mins time. Building up the rapport alone took me 1min. The patient (simulated patient) couldn't be possibly nicer than he was, but still, it was difficult to get out infos from him. Or it can happen the other way.. talkative patient up to the point that one would be convinced that he must has had pressure of speech.

ii) A4 worth of text to be read in 30secs time. Most of my friends that I spoke to after the exam just couldn't believe how ridiculously long the history was. I barely had any time to scan through the whole passage. Confabulation skill came into practice that day. One of my friends who is dyslexic just broke in tears following that station. Poor girl. (I hope she still got good mark despite altered performances in subsequent stations.)

iii) Nerve got the better of most people. Including me, sadly! In real clinical setting, we are expected to think thoroughly for diagnosis/differentials, taking our time consulting senior doctors and discussing with others. Spot diagnosis was expected in most stations. Yeah I know some of them might be damn obvious, but being nervous doesn't exactly go hand in hand with making decision. I was very nervous that day, I could have easily become the "panic attack" patient myself.

What happen when one is nervous?

• Forget key points (even if you already gone through/practiced that station for hundreds of time)
  
• Nervous behaviours: inc nervous smiles, tremors, blank moments, nail bitting, scratching- which would in the end make you look like an idiot (you are not really!) (Editor's Note: p53 didn't do any of this, she tried to pretend as if everything was going on well, so much so, she looked like she was in mild catatonic state. Still, her nerve really did got her that day, with loudly audible sigh after each stations and jumping/victory dance for stations that she performed well)
  
• Being mark down simply because you don't look confident (or convincing enough)
  

iv) The whole affair is very stressful. Imagine being kept in quarantine for the whole day just because you are in the last cycle of the examination day. On top of that, add 2 more hours of delay. Arrghghhh.. o..oo..ooh, plus we are being shuffle over to different base hospitals because some people think that examiners (doctors from one base hospital) favour their own students. This means unnecessary traveling on what would be described as the most important day of the semester. Then you have all this paranoid students who did bring big books and asked questions and tips right before the exam. Hello, study period was sooo over for me, hun! Chill man! Waiting was stressful enough for me, that's why I don't think I was that keen when you asked me to pretend as if I'm a psychotic patient. You know what psychotic means? Me bashing you with Kumar and Clark (with help of a lot of other people that felt the same) and then throwing out your dead, cold body on the busiest street in BIG CITY. And then, claiming a voice told me to do so. Under Mental Health Act, I'm forever spared as I lost my capacity long before the exam day.

vi) Examiners: discrepancies in marking and their behaviour. I don't know what exactly I had done wrong that some of my stations that I got 4 out 7. On the other hand, there were stations that I thought I'm definitely gonna fail, but I didn't just because the examiners gave me, rather miraculously, good marks for. Some examiners on the exam day behaved as if they have no mercy all at. Forget courtesy and interpersonal relationship. Yeah, I know that examination is not a place one would go to make new friends, but hey, all least show some respect, we (students, despite lacking in medical knowledge) are human being too. I'm not being a softie here, but isn't that a value that they are looking for in a medical team. Respect others. Stop treating us like we come from the lowest kasta. If you don't like students at all, don't be an examiner. Why bother in the first place. huh.

In short, I hate and dread OSCE!

Late in the morning, thankful by afternoon!

08.10: Woke up for the first time today. Damn alarm. Decided to sleep again until 2nd alarm goes off.
08.20: 2nd alarm, put it on snooze. Got >1hr till I have to be in (09:30).
09.20: Woke up and started cursing! 10mins and counting. (literally) jump out of my bed and into the bathroom.
09.26: Grabbed a green linen shirt and brown corduroy pant. Where is my boots?
09.31: Foundation! Foundation! Powder and gloss. Ready Set Go.
09.35: Nope, not quite yet ready! Fumbled over my (big, messy) stash of papers trying to find infos regarding my patient.
09.37: Quick email to my tutor. (Editor's note: She really should have done this last night!) Sent him first draft of my case study.
09.40: Out of house.
09.43: Reached NRU. Panting like mad.
09.45: First patient arrived. (15mins late) pheeewhh.

Lucky again.

So I sat in the outpatient clinic with my tutor. I was bored to death. I don't know any of the drugs prescribed. I don't even know that there are actually many different type of wheelchairs available. And I certainly don't want to hear complaints regarding erectile dysfunction. Just not this morning. When I'm was still drowsy (but certainly putting up a good show).

During lunchtime, I sat in the office going through my patient's case note (3-inches worth of papers). God , help me. I can't be asked to read through all that. What a waste of my young and exciting life. I went to see my patient instead and asked him to fill me in with details. However, he couldn't remember most of things in his past (secondary to traumatic brain injury). What a shame!

There was this one specific section that I really need that hasn't been updated. I asked the secretaries for the latest version and was quite persistent in doing so. After 30mins looking for it, I was certain that I have become their new enemy! I will have to make do with the version available. grrr..

The patient that I'm talking about is a patient I decided to write on about. He has complex physical, visual, cognitive, emotional and behavioural problems for which he is in the NeuroRehab Unit for. He was involved in a road-traffic accident almost 10months ago and prognostically he might be able to walk again. Bless him, he is only 22.

He had just had his hair cut and apparently he thinks he looks better with the new style (well- joint the club!!!) I just didn't have a heart to tell him that his skull scar (for craniotomy and cranioplasty) is now more obvious than ever. He offered me chocolate (from his drawer. It is full of chocolate- he possibly wins over me in term of largest chocolate collection at one time) and we shared a Cadbury's moment (cliche!!!) arguing about the best chocolate ever.

I joined in the group therapy session where 4 patients played 'carpet bowling' and 'snowman drive'. It was heart-rending to see all of them tried so hard yet kept on missing the pins just because of hemiparesis/paraparesis all of them having. Frustration was high.

I thank God for all good limbs that I have.

I hate winter!

I hate winter.
It's freezing! Cold days are depressing. My feet and ears are cold.

Where's the snow?
Christmas is less than 2 weeks away, but there's no sign of snow!
All my best friends are going away somewhere (hot, presumably!).

I'm not. Haven't plan anything.
Don't think I will go anywhere, its just too late and too expensive to book anything by now.

Woke up today by 1pm (that's only to answer a phone call otherwise I would have slept longer).
Missed half of my day.
Can't be asked to go in.

Read a novel (P.S: I Love You... ~cecelia ahern~). That was good!
I know I'm such a hopeless-romantic (girl)!

Twice today (and I have only been awake for 6hrs) my friends told me to get a boyfriend.
Easier said than done!

PS: I'm still working on a paper about NeuroRehabilitation. And I'm not loving it.

VE Part 2

As explained yesterday, this specific phobia of VE has become a main issue in my life at the mo.

1. All my housemates are talking about it (not that I'm bothered about it) and they're suggesting ways onto how I could improve the tolerance hence performing VE myself.
2. My room is full of leaflets about contraceptives and gynaecological cancers. Plus speculum (both plastic and metal ones) and swab kits - so that I can practice and familiarize myself using them. (Editor's Note: The fact that she keeps them in her drawer- never intending to ever look at them for the fear of a vasovagal collapse- is not helping. Really!)
3. Telephone conversations to my best friends, my not-so-best friends, my gay best friend, my tutors, my mum- to everyone basically -are all filled with at least 5mins of wailing (or moaning/lamenting) on the fact that I have to perform VE.
   
4. Dreams with visual image of the vagina! God, help me!

Huuuuh! ~long sigh~

Meanwhile the memories from those family planning clinic's sessions continue to haunt me. The visual, auditory and olfactory inputs from the sessions really makes me feel sick.

1. Visual: Coiling threads hanging out of the cervical os. Coiling being remove. Mucus on coil. Blood on coil. Discharges of varying amount and colour. Large vulva, small vulva. Loose vagina canal, tight ones too. Inflammation. Pubic hair! Stain on knickers. Horror-looking swab for high cervical smears.
   
2. Auditory: Patient expressing slight feeling of tugging during coil removal. The sound of the speculum clamping when retracted out of vagina. Sound produced during adjusting the speculum to its best fitting position.
3. Olfactory: Well, infections- need not to say more (Ed: She almost gag during VE of a patient. The smell wasn't that stinky but she thought that it was- p53 being oversensitive with her sense of smell.) Do the patients not wash themselves prior to coming to this clinic? Arrgggghhhh
   

My tutor did asked me whether I'm ready to do the VE myself. To which I answered (easily) : NO. She said next time, I'll be the one doing the speculum insertion and vaginal swab. Gosh! Tactile inputs now... really NOT looking forward for the finger(s) insertion to test for mass and tone(?)

SHARE MY PAIN!

Vagina Examination (VE)

Somehow during the course of my studies as a medical student so far, I've developed this very intense fear of VE in general. I'm mortified looking at one being done, let alone performing it myself. VE and anything related to it (e.g. low vaginal swab, PAP smear, coil insertion or removal etc etc etc). Horrendously terrifying for me.

This is, my friends, called a PHOBIA. A bit of obsessive thinking plus thought rumination. Now that the F&C (Family and Children) block's coming, I'm more anxious than ever. I've been avoiding it long enough (not choosing any Obs&Gynae for SSC, not staying in during smears in GP etc) so I decided to address this nagging problem by telling my tutor.

"You should be referred to the Mental Health Team" was one of those things she mentioned to me before I burst into tears, admitting this defeat and the need for a proactive action to help me with this fear. She tried to explore the fundamental reason(s) why am I so afraid of this VE. I can't put it down to any particular reason. And for that she said, possibly CBT is the best way forward. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy???? Whattheheck!

I agreed to try a desensitization with her, with her being a family planning expert GP. This consist of gradual exposure to visual and later tactile stimuli. Let's just hope I won't scream, or faint, or even die upon exposure to patients' nether region! (Editor's Note: She wont die, she had actually survived few already by now. She usually got nauseous during the VE and got sick though the next day).

That was almost a month ago. And I worry myself sick thinking and anticipating for these sessions. Now I've been to two sessions of Family Planning Clinic. Will (try to) describe my experience there in tomorrow's entry.

PS: How was the weekend, you guys? I had a fab time watching pantomime and visiting Xmas market in the BIG CITY!
PS: For those who has strong heart, click here. Content might be explicit/offensive for some. (Ed: for p53 it is absolutely terrifying!)

Parrrtttyyyyy!

It has been ages since I last went out to a party. Combinations of factors really. Won't dwell into that just yet. It was a great do, I think I ought to upload my blog before I go to the BIG CITY! And I'll be leaving for the BIG CITY in 5 hours time!

The theme was TOGA! It was not my first toga party and definitely not my last one. I wore a makeshift empire dress from bedsheets! (And I think you guys know what coming next) I think I looked pretty. Mint! My lovely friends hosted this party and there were a lot of familiar faces there, and alcohol too.

Lot of gossips being passed around. People bitching about those close to them. Cam-whoring. Drinking. Smoking. Dancing. Played Twister for a bit. Chocolate fountain!!! K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Even hard-on (eurrgghhh) and by the time I left, two of my dear friends were ACTUALLY DOING IT in bathroom up-stairs.

Typical teenage party. I had a very good time though. Taaa...(beauty) sleep time!

PS: Girls in Toga looks pretty, guys are just too hairy for it.

Hello, I'm p53 and I'm a sleepy medic.

Yesterday entry was an introductory entry. First entry of my blog sleepymedic.blogspot.com. I tried blogging few times now, all previous blogs were deleted. Pray to God that this blog won't share the same fate. I think that what had happened in the past few days really was an example of how much my life revolves around sleeping.

Today is not any different. I managed to get a full hour sleep during my lunch break (in my own bed, try to beat that!)

Let me introduce myself briefly.

• I'm a medical student in one of the top ranking universities in UK. But I won't recommend doing Medicine (MBChB) here though. (Editor's Note: That can't be right!! p53, are you sure about this?)
• I use p53 as my online name because p53 is my favourite gene. p53 is also known as the guardian angel of the DNA. Its a type of DNA repair gene but I will spare you guys the details. (Ed: She thinks she is a bit like an angel herself). HIV is my favourite virus and I liiiiiiikkkeeee cancer. Any kind of cancer, preferably Grade 4 ones. I'm not a sicko but I really do like them.
  
• I'm reasonably pretty. Underweight verging on the anorexic side, but I have a healthy appetite. Without doubt I'm a size 0 girl, but realistically I wear size 4-6 because I think being size 0 is soooo wrong! (Ed: Fact: She hates it if people says she's pretty just because she's sooo thin.) I'm pretty because who I am. (cliche?)

Late for 3 days in a row

I was late for 3 days in a row for the sole reason of waking up late. My genuine refusal to get of my bed had been such a magnificent force to prevent and delay any sort of work being done. (Editor's Note: She is not a lazy cow in any way though, she just cant resist the temptation!)

Day 1: Woke up an hour late than original plan. (surprise surprise!!) I need to travel for 2 hours to get back to my base hospital. I was actually sleeping over at my friend's place in the BIG CITY (which is much exciting compare to the Small City I'm residing now). The bus was running late, just nice! Just when I needed to report myself for the first day of the new module. Frantically I called my Information Provider (Ed: basically her friend with internet connection) to get my project supervisor's number. He was cool with me arriving (almost) an hour late. Fuh....lucky me!

Day 2: My housemate was in the shower when I woke up, so I decided to sleep just a bit while waiting. Little that I know the intended 10 min sleep turned into a full one hour sleep. (Ed: She will use this reason over and over again, watch the space!) Went to the Special Unit where I'm doing my module. Lucky strikes again. The first patient cancelled his appointment so My Supervisor was not bothered when I arrived late (15min late). Made myself a cup of coffee. And spilt it all on My Supervisor's side desk.

Me: Sh... sh.. shite... shite...shite..... (The coffee was hot. I was reaching over sideways to pick up the mug...clearly I was still sleepy!)

Him: Gosh. Are you ok?

Me: Yeah, ish... I'm so sorry about this.

Him: Accident happens.

I wondered if he gonna opt out of becoming my supervisor. Late for two days, very clumsy and drowsy most of the time. I bet he must be thinking that I'm hungover. No. NO! I'm just sleepy although slightly less pretty as I didn't have time to put on even a fleck of make-up this morning. (Ed: She did look awful with black-under-eye underneath her spectacles.)

Day 3: Woke up reasonably late. Decided to get to Main Hospital by bus, so I could have proper breakfast and put on some make-up. Hehe. (Ed: She's not vain in any way regarding the make-up thingy, just that she had just gotten herself a new blusher, and she promised her friend, a.k.a Make-up Guru, that she will use it daily.) I usually walk up to the Main Hospital. It was pouring when I arrived at hospital, so the make-up smudged. All that effort for nothing! I still look *ahem* pretty though. Listened to a lecture on year 5 changes. I'm not bothered, so why should you (the readers of this blog, if any) be bothered! Hah!