Sleepy & Reasonably Pretty

Work

2009-11-03T12:22:00.004Z

It has been a (painful?) month since I started working. Its very challenging although I was half expecting it to be as such. Maybe I just wasnt that ready. Maybe I am THAT clumsy. Or maybe Im just that sleepy.

I.can.not.be.sleepy.no.more.

The ever so famous post-call syndrome is at large.
The bullying at work.
Missed meals and stunted toilet calls.
The stress when an emergency happens.
Phoawarrh.
Arrrghhh.

Dear God please help me.

PS: Since Im a practising doctor now, its no good being sleepy. So I need to change the tagline for my blog. Suggestions?

GAH

2009-07-02T02:50:00.003+01:00

BAH, it has been over two months since I last posted anything on this blog.

Shame on me.

To all of my friends who has been waiting to hear my latest updates, sorry I cant just be arsed. Its a real effort to find a working computer and internet combo when I'm jet-setting (I like this word very much fyi) half way across the world and back.

Truth is: I have been traveling. And traveling still.

Although I know its hardly an excuse- but trust me without a personal laptop and free wifi,/decent connection speed- connecting to internet is harder. If there's one thing I learn from crossing the continents it'll be: Internet is a luxury not necessity.

So.

In short:
i) I've been backpacking since March 09.
ii) I had taken 3000 pictures in 3 different continents in the last 3 months.
iii) I am guilty of my carbon footprint hence the reason why I limit my travel just in the UK recently.
iv) I made loads of new friends, amend few old connection and broke off with few.
v) I had my heart broken twice. And I'm still standing.
vi) For the first time in my life- I managed to reach the 45kg mark. Yeay!
vii) I passed my medical school and will be graduating on the 15th of July.
viii) After which I will go back home for good.
ix) Three of my very good friends are getting married this month and I'm having mine in 2012.
x) I'm tired.

I was thinking the other day- about this blog. Whether I should keep it/relocate to new server/ create a new one for now my title has change/ or just continue with this one after mini face-lift.

Answer is I dont know. Suggestion welcomed. Due to flippant nature of p53, only God knows what will happen.

Till then.
loves, p53 xoxo

TANZANIA

2009-04-09T07:42:00.002+01:00

Life has been different.It is simple yet complicated.

Simple in the sense that I'm living the absolute necessities (no TV, no fast internet, no PS, no shopping trip).
But yet complicated- when inferior complex within myself questions my very own existence and the life that ensues.

Its a hard life in hosp for a student/doctor. Really.
Tanzania wont be a place where i want to live/work/raise my kids. Quality of life isnt so great here.Although it does make a good vacation destination (nice beaches of zanzibar, amazing wildlife in the safari, good learning opportunity with infectious diseases).

Tanz is one of the poorest african countries. Many live in sheer poverty. TSH (thats the currency) worth next to nothing.BIG BIG gap between the rich and the poor. Worse than any other countries that I've been to.

Otherwise, all is well. I'm still adjusting to the scorching heat. I'm as dark as I've ever been.

1st day: "are you from china?"
Today: "are you from nigeria?"

So there you go. haha.

till then pen off. xoxo. p53

Yippadeduh, yippededuh....

2009-03-26T20:15:00.001Z

I'm leaving for my electives today. In less than an hour.

Here are the dates roughly...
Today- leave smallcity
Tomorrow- arrival at Tanzania
Next weekend- trip to Zanzibar
Next next weekend- safari trip (Serengeti +/- Ngongororo)
The weekend after- shopping in Dar Es Salam
4 weeks from now- leave Tanzania for Borneo.
4 weeks +1 - will be in KL
4 weeks +2 - arrival at Sabah
The first weekend- beach and snorkelling
The second weekend- climb Kinabalu
The third weekend- white water rafting +/- visiting orangutans
The fourth weekend- flight back to the UK.
Fin.

Yeah! I'll be globetrotting with just the basic necessities. No laptop- so expect scarce entries from here on. All possible methods of transportation will be used so maybe this trip is like a little "By any means" imitation. Haha.

Till then, love you all.
p53 xoxo

PS: Those who want postcards please leave address as comment. Its my pleasure to sent them.

Pain and shit

2009-03-26T00:24:00.005Z

"The word 'depressed' is used so much these days. "I got stuck in traffic, I'm so depressed." "I'm having a football depression." If only you know what it really mean!" ~Patient who recovered from a brain injury~

"When you learn to die, you learn to live" ~ A patient~

"Depression is trendy, if you dont have it, then there's something wrong with you" ~Another patient~

"Bathroom is full of risk factors" ~ Geriatric patient

"Blackpool is pretty... (long pause) shitty." ~patient who types out his words- dysphasic after brain injury i.e. someone smashed his head.

Malicious

2009-03-24T20:04:00.003Z

"What are the things that you should consider while listing a patient who is adiposely challenged?" ~Surgeon of the week~

"Antipsychotic meds will definitely make a patient put on weight" ~SHO in Psychiatry
"I have to try it!!!" ~Me - pretty determined.

"After all these years I still find it difficult to talk about my illness. Its like a psychological scar that haunts me" ~ A patient

What to wear?

2009-03-22T11:05:00.004Z

Apologies for the lack of post.
I'm dead busy completing all the compulsory assessments at the hospital.

I'm getting ready for my electives.

Many aspects of the preparation (i.e. vaccinations, money, accom, flights, documents, books, equipments etc). Most daunting is PACKING!

Its difficult to pack, I'd love to bring items that are both practical and nice. However, TANZANIA is burning hot, even wearing jeans might give me some trouble. Hmmm.. I was advised by many people to bring only the thinnest clothing item ever (so linen works best).

I'd love to wear my lovely pairs of jeans (black and dark blue) which work just fine in hospital here in the UK- because both of them has this formal casual look. Definitaly I cant wear any of them for Tanzania is too hot! Now it seem that even my khakis -denim material- may be to thick for safari. Haih.

I'd love to wear different pairs of flats for different occasions. My cobalf blue flats will look so hawt (hot) with my capri jeans. And my usual black and white flats will so work with my hospital attire. And my red one just for days that I feel like wearing it. But no! I dont have any space in my backpack for an extra pair of shoes. So, black simple flat it is.

Scarves: I dont want to discuss about this... too painful.

Tops- Khakis, plain white tees, beige, olive- well the plain ol boring colours. No choice really.

Do you know that its a MUST to wear labcoat in hospitals in Tanzania AND Malaysia? Argggghhhh... another impractical item i) white- so will definitely will stain like hell ii) will only make life hotter (for bad reason, not for hawt reason).

And then I need all those travel related stuff (i.e. raincoat, sleeping bag, mosquito net, torchlights, first aid kid, travel medications, water purifier, thermos, hats, socks, gosh... many more.... arrgghhh). so heavy all this stuff.

And to make thing worse, I'm climbing Mount Kinabalu in Borneo which is pretty high >4000m. So I have to pack all those jackets, thick socks, gloves, thermals.... why oh why....(pulling my hairs out!)

I love travelling but I hates to have to choose what I can bring along and what I cant.

If only I'm rich enough to have some one to pack for me, arrange all my travel details, and as I'm that rich I'll travel first class hence no luggage allowance limitation and I can bring anythg and everythg I want, and that rich that I'll buy things (read: more nice shoes and clothes) as I go along to help the local businesses, and finally to have someone to porter my stuff around and be my driver at the location. Ahhhhh.... Plus a personal chef wont hurt.

Patient tales (except that none of these are fairytale)

2009-03-14T14:56:00.008Z

When I woke up on Friday the 13th, I just wanted the day to come to its end. I was very tired from all the week doings with all those crap assessments, useless PBHell and running around to sort out thousands of stuffs. And you can tell from the way I'm writing that I hate them all.

So despite my endless cursing, I made my way to the surgical ward for a freaking 8am start and joined the Surgeon of The Week (SOTW) Grand Round. 1 consultant, 1 registrar, 1 SHO and 2 FY1s. The SOTW team reviewed almost 40 surgical patients in all wards (surgical, paeds & gynae patients).

I came across alot of unfortunate patients all of which left me so emotionally ridden.

Patient 1: 32 yo female patient who came in with small bowel obstruction. She had hx of a number of pelvic operations following diagnosis of and recurrence of cervical cancer. She has nasogastric tube in currently, as it was decided that her bowel should be rested.

I had a chance to speak to her afterwards. There were some parts of the encounter that I became very quiet as I was lost for words. It was very heart rending to hear someone of her age talk about three small children. For me it was the fact that all the problem started when she was 29 that did it. Thats like me in 5 years time.

Patient 2: 44 yo female patient who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer post staging CT. She was told that operation will be arranged towards the end of this month. She asked the consultant whether she could have a weekend leave to see her newly born granddaughter. Unfortunately, she had to stay in-patient as she was markedly jaundiced.

Thats awful.

Patient 3: 23yo male patient who came in post vomiting and severe pain radiating to the back. Scan showed generalized moderate inflammation of pancreas. Dx: Acute pancreatitis caused by alcohol binging (while he was watching the Liverpool vs Manchester game nonetheless).

Consultant: Bla3x (re: long term effect of heavy alcohol consumption). You have to choose which one you love more. Alcohol or your life.
Patient: Errkkk....

Patient 4: A 39yo businessman who had been quite unwell (pain, n+v, although he was not jaundiced) for the last few days and investigations showed cancer of the head of the pancreas. Breaking bad news was particularly awful as it was done at the bed side with all 7 members of the SOTW team gawking. He was calm although there was hint of turmoil brooding underneath. The whole group became deafeningly quite when he asked:

"Whats the chance for this lesion to spontaneously heal itself?"
Consultant: Nil. Bla3x (re: prognosis, options, further ix inc staging CT and MDT)

"Can I have a weekend leave to sort out things?"
Consultant: Bla3x (re: potential complication of cancer i.e. bleeding 2ndry to liver problem, pain, jaundice...which might happen when he's away) So its highly recommended if you could just stay until after the staging CT.

"I need to sort out my business this afternoon (Friday). And just be with my family over the weekend. Gosh. Then I have to write a will."
Consultant: (Giving the space a sweeping glance). Well.... yeah, you can leave by lunch today after the girls check your INR but you have to be back by Tuesday at the latest.

It was eerily quiet. Of course, he is this young man who has alot of things to look forward to in his life at this very moment. Ooo... has I mention that he's an American? Who moved here few years ago after marrying a British woman and has established his own business based here in Lancashire.

I stood there at the edge of bed silently praying that he's alright with the news delivered and may he find strength and faith to cope with the diagnosis and its implication.

Those 4 patients were patients that made me shuddered. There were a lot more (ranging from simple appendicitis to ruptured ones, colorectal cancer, bile leak, retroperitoneal abscess, pilonidal abscess and etc) so much so that by the 12 pm I was crying inside. (yeah, a combination of many many many bad news and my own tiredness and worsening pangs of hunger).

Let us take few minute to reflect the value of life and to say prayers to these patients.

Later that day, I watched ComicRelief. For full 8 hours. 7pm on friday- 3am on saturday. The cause for this year is malaria in the Africa. So few more tears were shed after clips showing how kiddies in Africa died of this preventable disease, which is almost eradicated in other part of the world, due to lack of mosquito nets and medication to treat malaria victim.

Again, let us take few minute to reflect the value of life and to say prayers to these children. And say grace for having what we have.

Hugs and kisses with much emotions,
P53.

PS: As we were leaving patient 4's cubicle, he asked "Doctor, is theres any reason why I shouldnt use Viagra over the weekend?"

Blake Lively vs Kristin Stewart vs Leighton Meester

2009-03-08T14:27:00.007Z

I found an old copy of VANITY FAIR while cleaning up my mag rack (yeah yeah, im still cleaning up)- so here you go- scanned and presented to all the readers of this blog.

On cover of Vanity Fair -from ages ago.

And this is the pic on the first page of the article.

I still hold my grudge against Kristin Stewart.
She's tad weird. Bad bad bad choice for Bella (of Twilight series).
Look at them pics, she's damn stiff, blinks too much, and too sulky!
Blake is so lively (haha, pun intented-well, its so sad that I keep myself amused with lame joke this) boo.
Ok, seriously, Blake is so pretty, full of live, fresh, young and happy.

K-stew is everythg but.

****************Spoiler alert****************

In book 4 Breaking Dawn, Bella turns into a vampire. And from the description, Bella would be so amazingly abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous! Hands on heart I dont think Kristin Stewart is in any way eligible for the character.

Yup, she's clumsy and all that, but I think Leighton Meester should be Bella. She is wayyyyyyy better at acting, plus she is this most lovely little lump of an actress with real emotions!

Eg: A very simple girl who fall for Edward (everybody says aaaaawwwwwwww... says woooootttt.... Shot gun Edward!)

Then: For New Moon. Bella curled up in feotal position cauze it just to painfulwhen Edward left her (everybody says arrrrrggggghhhh) - well maybe sans the heels and puffy skirt. haha.

Then: She turned into this most beautiful creature, even words could describe her. (Well, stephenie meyer described her well, I cant!) in book 4.

This is just out of world man!

OK!

Thats enough to prove that Leighton Meester is more suitable for Bella's character.

Its difficult to find a good picture of K-Stew.
This is the best.
And even that doesnt compare to Leighton's.

Bicester Village

2009-03-08T14:20:00.005Z

Noted at the back of Bicester Village's shopping brochure.
(How to get there section!)

Bicester Village is a retail outlets area. So many PRETTY things. I was all excited. BFF drove us 3 hours there and another 3 hours back. Spent about 7 hours there and about the cost of a small car collectively.

Good day!

PS: I'm definitely not a bum when it comes to shopping.

Managing an arrest

2009-03-05T21:39:00.002Z

I attended an ILS (Intermediate Life Support) course the other day. All of us 5th years are required to attend one before graduating. So hopefully everyone with be equipped with the necessary skill needed by the time one start working as FYs.

One of the ILS instructors looked familiar. He was one of these people that you come across alot in hospital (in wards/in canteen/along the corridor/in shuttle bus) but yet still don't know who he is or what is his job really. Of course me being me- I want to know everything about everybody. So when I first saw him that ILS morning, it was killing me that I don't know who he is.

By lunch time, we were split into smaller groups so that actual scenarios of cardiac arrest could be simulated for a smaller number of attenders. I was in his group. Then for the first time in 3 years I heard his voice. And you guys would be amazed to know that he speaks in a language that I don't know. Yup. Really.

So there he was yapping about stuff (stuff because I had no idea of wth he was talking about) to the whole group and me straining/struggling to understand what exactly he was going on about.

He speaks English.

English with heavy Welsh accent.

I swear to God, out of all people that I've heard giving instruction for the whole 5 years I'm here, his accent was something of a different level. Well above the level of thick Lancashire accent of an 80y-o gentleman, the Scouse, the Scottish, the newly arrived doctors from India/Africa, Manglish of the IMUs students and the rest.

So imagine the shock that I had when each of us had to manage a case of cardiac arrest each, having not understanding half of the guideline.

Well initial shock anyways.

Luckily I kinda well abreast with the ILS algorithm.

And its not a simple one I tell you.

Learning Points:
i) Double check the medications with at least another person before administrating them. Beware they all start with "A" (Adrenaline, Atropine and Amiodarone).
ii) Keep calm and carry on. (sure as hell one will be nervous with the adrenaline rush when put on spot managing cases like these).
iii) You can refuse to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation provided that you have a strong reason not to and could justify it in the court.

Question:
Ok now I had my ILS cert already, when I can do the ADVANCED Life Support Course??

Plastic Surgery

2009-03-03T22:49:00.004Z

Mrs X is a 40 y-o patient who I met in a surgical ward. She comes to hospital this time for an elective removal of bone spurs and local debridement on her left femur.

The story was: about 4 years ago she had a tiny wee spot of infection of the skin overlying her left patella (that's knee cap for you and me). Fast forward many Abx and few months later, the infection was still there- unshifted. By this time she was feeling unwell with signs of mild systemic infection- hence she was admitted to hospital for IV Abx. However- as she was feeling no better- an aspirate was done + a scan of her knee joint. The infection had spread to her joint cavity (now its about a year since first skin presentation).

So: Her left patella was removed and the joint was replaced with a spacer (p53: is it like an artificial joint, like that of a knee replacement? Mrs X: No, its just a space-filler, the knee could not bend as well. P53: ooo0000ooo *making mental note to check how does that look like/work?*)

1year post-op, she noticed pain while walking and reported "feeling a bit off". Symptomatic treatment was given and she was enlisted for care of Chronic pain team. Many neuralgic meds later, the pain persisted- now about 2 years post op. Second opinion was seeked and she was refered to Smallcity's base hospital.

After doing few more investigations, it turned out that she was having osteomyelitis then (which explain the pain and her feeling unwell). Due to the level of permanent damage of her tibia and fibula, they were removed too.

And for the first time in 3 years she felt completely well (how ironic is that being just under 40 and yet so calm/blase/accepting to the fact that she's an amputee ....... gosh, I thank God for my legs and my well being... go on say your prayers now!) and she resumed her work as an administration staff at school.

However, the happiness didnt last long (well.... I have to use one of those cliche havent I?). Roughly 6months after she felt unwell again. The osteomyelitis had spread up to her inferior end of her left femur. (So the infection had been so mild, so low grade, it had spread to a wider area unseen macroscopically right from the very beginning!!!)

She unfortunately had an above-knee-amputation. (She said and I quote: I would rather keep my life than keep my decaying parts).

Since then she had been in hospital 3-4 times for removal of spurs (even doctors dont know why they keep on coming back) and local debridement.

She is currently under the care of the Plastic Surgery team. She can walk with a prosthetic- although not mobilising at the moment due to recent surgery. Bless her. She has been through a lot and still pretty optimistic about her life.

PS: She's such a good historian!

This is the epitome of mother of all reasons why I dont want to do Plastics. Too gruesome, too heart rending, and too surgical. haha.

M* *

2009-03-02T23:38:00.003Z

To all my lovely friends and families, crushes and lovers, enemies even, teachers and consultants, Jeremy Clarkson and Gordon Ramsay.

I MISS YOU all.

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
Ill be missing you.

My lil bro esp. Hey there, how you doin?

MALE AND FEMALE MYTHS

2009-02-24T21:59:00.000Z

I am in the process of packing up and cleaning my room. Imagine the amount of junk/books/clothes/papers/bits and bobs/men (ha I wish) I had to throw away/recycle/donate. A lot. Not so good in term of carbon footprint.

I tore of my wall/noticeboard/inspirational board i.e. taking off all the posters/to do lists/pictures/postcards/bills/timetables/love letters (haha) to leave it all bare sans art. Well my kind of art anyways.

So one of the things on the wall was an article. I got this article/list during my 4th year psychosocial teaching and I would like to share it with you guys.

MALE AND FEMALE MYTHS

1. Sex should be natural and spontaneous- asking for it spoils it.
2. All physical contact must lead to sex.
3. Men always want and ready for sex.
4. Sex is for male pleasure- a woman's duty is to fill his needs not her own.
5. Men must take charge of and orchestrate sex.
6. If women arent orgasmic they should fake it.
7. Women expect men to know all about sex.
8. Men should not have or at least not express certain feelings.
9. Anything other than the missionary position is dirty.
10. Women must wait for male to initiate.
11. For men, in sex, as elsewhere, it is performance that counts.
12. Women must maintain a 'good' reputation.
13. Women must be attractive, obedient and passive- because men expect it.
14.Having sex menas having intercourse.
15. For couple to have sex, the man must have an erection.
16. Good sex always ends in orgasm.
17. Good sex means both partners having an orgasm, preferably at the same time.
18. There is something wrong with a man who has lower sex drive than a woman.
19. In general, women receive more stimulation from alarge penis than a small one.
20. Nice girls dont get turned on- and they certainly never move during love making.
21. Dont show affection to men because the will want sex.
22. If a woman shows interest in making love, she must be promiscuous.
23. Most homosexuals exclusively adopt the passive or active role in their sexual relationship.

I kinda have my own opinion for each of the statement, but telling it outright here would mean disclosing too many personal infos (and you guys will know my preferences in the subject matter.) End of story.

So there you go. Myths. NOT!

hahahahahha

2009-02-24T21:11:00.003Z

Less talk more rokk.
116358 ---> that's my score.
My own personal highest so far. On Medium level.

from youtube.com

Damn that orange fret- wait till I can nail it on Hard level.

I hate my medical school

2009-02-22T16:27:00.003Z

ooooOOOOOOOoooOOOoo....
This (talking about my medical school) has been quite an area of potential hatred.

Today 22 Feb 09 is a fine day. Sunny and hot-ish.
I was stucked indoor all because I have to write a frigging portfolio piece.
The comm team made it compulsory for each Year 5 student to submit an entry for that.
WTF.

Lets do some maths

2009-02-22T11:00:00.008Z

Miss P went berserked with what's left of her savings. She bought alot of things in the last two weeks. Please calculate the amount of money that she had actually saved from all the discounts and offers available in smallcity and its sister city.

Original price Sale price Saving
(all figures are rounded to closest pound)

Item 1:Gladiator shoes --> GBP25 - GBP9 = GBP16
Miss P just went ga-ga over this pair of shoes from Dorothy Perkins. "Ohh... It fits me like socks.. I HAVE to get it!" she exclaimed. She then added "This shoes is so gonna go with my safari look for my elective." (Editor's Note: whatever!!!)

Item 2: For both --> GBP14 - GBP3 = GBP11
Novels from charity shops. Its one of few benefits living in such a small city: there are many charity shops here- where you can get novels at a negligible cost. HA! (Ps: Miss P bought her entire Harry Potter set from charity shops- all in pristine condition.)

Item 3: Roxy Belt --> GBP40 - GBP10 = GBP30
Who would spend 40quids on A belt? (well I know a few hehe) Miss P wont. So when this belt was on sale for a tenner- she bought it and left the store with a big grin. The belt can be worn in two ways- the flowery bit and the blue bit.

Item 4: 65L Backpack GBP70 - GBP35 = GBP35
Miss P already has a 45L backpack that she used for the Europe backpacking trip last summer. However for her elective she thinks she need a bigger bag due to extra things (i.e. medical equipments, meds and books) that she is required to bring along. (Editor's Note: You guys should probably see the way she haggled the price with the lil old lady selling it in her outdoor store... priceless)

Item 5: Vaccinations and prophylaxes. Bloody expensive. No saving. Herummmpph!

Yellow fever 1 freakingly expensive injection GBP40
Rabies 3 painful injections GBP15
Malaria tablets- Doxycycline GBP20
Cholera oral dose GBP7
HIV prophylaxis pack GBP180 (i'm not kidding!)
Total: Frigging GBP262

Item 6: Trespass super light weight and fast drying blouse -->
GBP16 - GBP3 = GBP13
Just because. Hahaha. Safari theme again. Hahaha.

Item 7: FCUK blouse --> GBP40 - GBP20 = GBP20
No justification needed, this blouse is cute beyond words. Plus the salesman there was cute too. Miss P just lost it from the very minute of walking into the store. Ha.

Item 8: A lingerie item from CK --> GBP32 - GBP8 = GBP24
So pretty (berdarah hidung tgk ni!)

Item 9: Concert tickets --> GBP26 - GBP20 (student discount!)= GBP6
It was worth every penny. The finale song BOLERO by Maurice Ravel was absolutely heavenly! Click on the picture for a clearer image of the orchestra.

Now please calculate the amount of money saved.
Answer: GBP155 (<-- highlight here)

Total spent: GBP370
(and that's excluding the foods- like 2x italian eating out, subways, ingredients to make authentic malay and italian dishes which costed alot... Miss P is a kind of person who wont think twice in spending 20pounds in one sitting for good food)

Bancrupt la....

(and again excluding the recent indulgence in PlayStation2... whoahh... Miss P do spend alot doesnt she?? Latest addition: Singstar microphones and game)

Fashion week

2009-02-20T16:39:00.000Z

Isnt this gorgeous???

Saja-saja

2009-02-17T22:24:00.000Z

I've been a bum

2009-02-17T21:26:00.005Z

Well, not a surprise isnt it?

Bum for almost everything. Medically esp.

Well anyways... lets talk about some patients I saw in the last two weeks. Confidentiality protected nevertheless.

i) Post coital bleeding in a 77 y-o lady [what?? WHATTTT??]
I struggled to keep a straight face while I was talking to this patient, who was appropriately seated next to her 70-ish husband. Not because I wanted to laugh (well knowing me anyway) but because I was shocked beyond words. I swear in normal unmedical situation, my jaw would probably hit the floor and my eyes would have bulge out of their sockets. Two-weeks referal nonetheless.

ii) Nocturnal enuresis in a 20 y-o young lady.
20 y-o kinda sweet and cute lil lady came to the surgery and started to blush during her opening sentence "I have been experiencing something very embarassing"... And I went "well we could only help you if we know whats been happening + everything that you say will remain confidential". So story was: 6-7x of nocturnal enuresis in the past 3/12. No frequency, no dysuria, no discharge. Dry at night when she was 12 (?late ?familial). Said that she's not in any stress, well, apart from BF now leaving to work with the Army. No hx of abuse (sexual/physical) and no other relevant hx. I sent off her urine sample to exclude UTI/glycosuria and requested a fasting blood glucose. To be reviewed in 2weeks time.

iii) An unfortunate girl who was given the Pills without first-pill-teach.
She is only 16, but honestly when she walked in she looks much older than me (so tall and much tad-too-much makeup on) so much so I had to ask her to confirm her full name, date of birth and address. So I gave her some adv re: the pills and printed out some patient information leaflets. Problem was: breakthrough bleeding whilst on the pills- which is a COMMON thing to happen.

iv) A dead body at a caretakers.

v) A 44 y-o lady with bilateral trocanteric bursitis.
Hx and O/E very typical of trocanteric bursitis. "Why bilateral?" asked my GP- and tbh I DONT KNOW. Very articulate lady. She explained everything without me asking, right down to characteristic and aggravating factors. Ha.

Ok, there are actually so much more interesting patients to write about, but as the title of this entry suggests, I cant be arsed.

Otherwise, pen off.
I'm gonna go and continue reading Breaking Dawn.

******Spoiler alert*****

Bella's pregnant with a vampire baby!

Freaking hell. How did that happen? Of coz I know how exactly it happened (Bella and Edward went for their honeymoon after the much awaited wedding and the birds and the bees bladibla...) but seriously in a real life* situation HOW DID THAT HAPPEN???
FYI- vampire has 25 chromosomes (well according to stephanie meyer anyway) and human has 23 chromosomes (scientifically- not some made-up number). Insemination and fertilization are just NOT possible.

And the baby is now making Bella very unwell and thirsty for BLOOD! Again... how is this possible???

Anyways... I still love Edward. Others can F-off.

*Editor's Note: p53 dont be daft, there will never be a real life situation for things like this.

PS2

2009-02-11T23:52:00.003Z

Hi Mom,
Look at what I had bought!
I dont know what had possessed me, but I ended up buying this whole lot from eBay.
It was a bargain though. Really.
And now I know what is an addiction. Mom, I never thought that what Iman* says were remotely true. Yup, it is difficult to stop once one starts on any of the games. I play Guitar Hero. Mom, arent you proud of me? Haaaa? What? You would prefer it if I learn how to cook instead? Ooo..okay. Im trying here.

Im trying to be better at the Medium level of Guitar Hero. Its really difficult Mom, it really is. You always tell me practice makes perfect, thats why I'm spending 2-3 hours daily (since the games arrive in the post) on the PS2. Dont worry, I dont have homework these days.

My wrists hurt Mom. I deserve it, I know, but can you kiss it better?

Much loves from me.
xoxo

*Iman is my 10y-o youngest brother.

Pics from London

2009-02-11T09:18:00.002Z

Hot ladies (as viewed with temperature-sensored camera at the National Science Museum)

Hyde Park
Big Ben

Which one is worse?

2009-02-10T01:08:00.002Z

Sweaty armpits or smelly feet?

BO or halitosis?

Being blind or being deaf?

Squint or funny teeth?

No arm or no leg?

MS or MND?

Esophageal cancer or colon cancer?

---> Then as a consequent: having a PEG tube or stoma?

Esophageal cancer or pancreatic cancer?

Dying quick but in a painful way in road traffic accident or dying slowly from a debilitating chronic disease?

Having a massive MI or a massive stroke?

Having a stroke or having a heart failure?

Having a heart failure or a kidney failure?

Having stroke with complete loss of one side of the body or having CRF needing 3x of dialysis/week?

Anorexia or morbid obesity?

Being burn to death or freeze to death?

Having a peanut allergy or having allergies for seafood?

Menorrhagia or dysmenorrhia?

Inserting a catheter on male patient or doing a vaginal bimanual examination? The latter for me.

X6

2009-02-08T14:27:00.005Z

Have you seen it? It a monster! It’s so big and (looks) powerful.

X6 is the latest of the X series from BMW. It’s a type of sport coupe. Well, it does have the characteristic of an SUV- but for my eyes it sneakily is an SUV. Clever trick, BMW! It’s probably as big as a mini van.

Despite being monstrous, the design is sleek all throughout. The exterior is beautiful (although personally I would have preferred a car with slightly lower boot) with boot as tall as me. With curves in all the correct places, it does look like a nice car for pretty girl like me. (Editor’s note: The curves will complete the owner in this case). The interior is as nice as any other car in that range of price.

I can’t really comment on the engine and the other specifications for I’m not interested in those kinds of things. However I would imagine that X6 would be a nice driving machine. Top speed ~ 150mph - haha.. not that I’ll drive anywhere as close as to that.

So here we go again, a car that made me shuddered ages after My Fair Lady 350Z.

Happiness is....

2009-02-06T15:40:00.007Z

I received this precious thing through the post today and I am already over the moon. Two tickets... guess who's gonna be my date?

Mission Compare Part 1

2009-02-03T22:26:00.006Z

There are a lot of things that I wanted to blog about my community placement. I just cant be arsed because I'm still in holiday mood.

So instead, I'll be doing a series of comparison. Any of you guys reading this blog wants me to compare anythg interesting- just drop me a line [as comment]- and i'll be much obliged.

Mission Compare Part 1: MY ROOM

East side

West side What the hell?

Exam, result and thereafter

2009-02-01T01:47:00.004Z

How impolite am I for not giving you readers some sort of updates especially regarding my exam? I apologize. From hereon in this entry, I'll try to tell as much as I could chronologically.

Prior to Jan 09, I was really scared of the finals exam. I felt as if there were so many things that I havent revise yet.

Comes Jan 09, I was practically shitting in my pants- trying to cram in as much infos as I could into my almost exploding brain.

Then the exam week- 14 Jan- 22 Jan came. I couldnt sleep, lost my appetite and lost interest altogether with anythg non medical. How sad.

Had my first exam in one of the big halls in BIGCITY- which is also the hall where I will graduate provided that I pass every single thing.

Got all tensed up in between. Packed up my stuff one night and left smallcity and my studymates. Went to BIGCITY.

Second exam was in the same hall. It was freezing. No heating. It snowed outside. Bloody hell.

Then OSCE on 20 Jan. Almost cried after I finished it. 50-50% chance of failing it. WAAAAA....

21-22-23 Jan- passed in blur. I slept. Slept my sorrow away. By this time, some of my very good friends left smallcity for their elective in exciting places.

24 Jan- Had mother of all headaches. Very hungry too. So I ate I ate I ate and took paracetamol.

24 Jan (night)- 29 Jan (morning): LONDON trip.
- did all thing touristy- went to Greenwich prime time line, took pics along Thames, next to Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge.
- watched two musicals at the West End: The Sound of Music and The Lion King. Super fantastic.
- ate a lot of different kind of food- indon, chinese, japanese, italian, mexican, malay- ahhh bless all Halal food in London; I gained 3 kg in the space of 5 days. Yeay!
- went to natural history museum and national science museum (both for the first time in 5 years of me living here in the UK)

29 Jan: result out... In the hours preceding the result time, I paced up and down the length of my kitchen, sweating like hell. I swear my heart almost stopped when I saw my result. I passed- marginally. pheawh. Few of my dear friends failed. My heart cried out for them. I rang my parents- told them the good news, and rang few other friends to tell them too.

30-31 Jan: Sleep, eat, internet, blogging, buying stuff off the ebay, tidying up my room, doing laundry, vacuuming, collecting things for charity, cook and BAKE!!!

1 Feb: Preparing my timetable for the next two months, ironing clothes, sending out work emails, filling in evaluation form of last block which I proscatinated for almost 2 months. hah.

2 Feb and thereafter: community and hospital placement and elective (yeay!) and graduation (double yeay!!) and going back home for good (yeay 3x).

***Important note: my face suffered the most. Blemished like never before. Arrhrggghh***

Coldest winter in 13 years!

2009-02-01T00:45:00.000Z

Flipping hell.

Here's somemore snippet:

Sunday will see maximum temperatures of between 2C (36F) and 5C (41F) although temperatures will fall during the course of the day. Temperatures during the night will be minus 1C (30F) to minus 3C (27F) although forecasters predict the mercury could plunge to minus 6C (21F) in some locations.

That's it: I'll be in bed ALL DAY LONG!

Who's that girl?

2009-01-31T12:32:00.001Z

Isnt she gorgeous???

Answer: In 3 days time ok, unless someone can come out with the correct answer.

**** More pics of DAKOTA FANNING****
(from gofugyourself.celebuzz.com)

According to plan

2009-01-27T13:14:00.001Z

if everything goes according to plan.....

.... I'll see you next April.
xoxo

I'm so upset its untrue...

2009-01-24T18:26:00.003Z

why?
I was beaten by an ebayer in a bidding war for a PS2 console + games bundle.
Arrgggghhhhh.

Now, I need to catch my bus to LDN. traaaa.... xoxo

I want!!!

2009-01-24T15:07:00.002Z

Isnt this a supercallifragillisticexpialidocious kitchen unit? My heart went into a transient arrythmia as I laid my eyes on the truly scrumptious unit. And with that amazing almost haunting image, I wish you all a very good week- I'm off to Londres (LDN). Zippededuhdah--zippedideee!

Editor: What's up with the use of songs' phrases?
p53: Im going to watch theatre/musicals in LDN [The Sound of Music and hopefully the LION KING]

Amazingness

2009-01-22T10:35:00.001Z

This super cool apartment is so fantastic, I dont even know where to start. Righto- let your imagination run wild. Check out this article.

Gary Chang, a Hong Kong architect, lives in a tiny apartment, but thanks to accordion-like wall units, he can create at least 24 different room configurations.

Poladroid Part 1

2009-01-21T02:21:00.009Z

Here I am at half two in the morning, trying out the poladroid and screaking in excitement. Gosh, look at the result. Awesomeness to the max. I chose three random pictures and all of them turned out beautifully. Told you things look much nicer in Polaroid. Sigh- maybe need to get a polaroid camera after this.

The best thing about this application is the fact that you have to wait for the image to develop. As if the REAL polaroid. Its truly and absolutely moving to see how an image changes and at the end you have this gorgeous outcome. Bless.

Even the simplest picture turned out all classy. Love it to bit. Try it here. I'm actually telling everyone I know about this- as free ad from a satisfied customer. Seriously considering to have my wedding pictures in polaroid images format.

***Currently listening to Freshmen by The Verve Pipe***

and...

2009-01-21T00:37:00.002Z

and oh yeah,

i would like to try:

i) playing Guitar Hero (and finish Prince of Persia 2008) on xBox. Wooohhoooo!

ii) using poladroid.

iii) level 6 of the climbing wall and take up bouldering! cant wait (Editor's note: cant wait to see fit guys on the neighbouring wall is it? I know- they're so HOT!)

Shout out to all of this blog readers

2009-01-21T00:04:00.002Z

I finished my exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PMP, PT and OSCE.... done them all!

Shit scared of the result that will come out in 8 days.

Otherwise, here are some snippets:

i) I once asked for a good luck wish from my sugar-daddy (SD, hahaha, you're right), it went like this:

p53(me texting him): Wish me luck. xo
SD(his reply): Wish you luck.

And with that I knew better not to text him anymore for any well-wishes. Boys/men can be so stupid sometime. In retrospect it was funny though. I love him nevertheless.

ii) When I took the PT paper, the exam hall was absolutely f***ing cold. The head invigilator had the nerve to stand up before all of us (who by this time been shivering for at least 30mins or one blinking hour in my case) to apologize because -he said, and I quote- the examination hall was a BIT too cold.

BIT too cold??? My right hand (that's my dominant hand) had been numbed since like question number 56 (out of 125), so much so that I had to use my non-dominant, almost non-functioning (due to its sheer uselessness) left hand. Rubbish.

Then, my nose started to become sniffly.

Then, whatever I read became blurry- and my head couldnt make sense of any of the remaining question.

Shiiiiiiitttza!

Then, my brain froze and my body became hypothermia and I dropped dead due to cardiac arrest in seat no 80. (Editor's note: but p53, you didnt. Ed, of course I didnt, because I left the hall just in time to avoid all the potential complication).

Right, I better stop before this become an essay. Next point please.

iii) I'm gonna resume my normal life. By normal i meant:

- sleep alot- like 10hours/day during winter season-
- go climbing- gosh i've abandoned this hobby for the last 3months-
- try new baking recipes- and I havent bake for 4months- random muffins dont count-
- traveling? - will be going to london to see some friends-
- catch up on gossip girl etc- yeah!!!!-
-calling2 people- i love talking on the phone-
-beautification- ahhhh- bliss-

till then traaaa.... xoxo

Tribute to James

2009-01-17T19:52:00.000Z

James McAvoy.
So cute. Tak tahan.

click here
here
here
and here
Ps: Keira Knightley is me in disguise. kahkahkah. No, seriously.

Poladroid

2009-01-16T16:20:00.004Z

haaa...
I came across this while blog hopping
I will try it soon, like very soon. (Editor's Note: The end of misery is fast approaching, yehaa! I'm excited for p53's behalf)

www.poladroid.net is an application that allow you to convert normal digital pictures to polaroid-ish pics. How cool is that?

Ps: Update...
14th Jan: Patient Management Paper - DONE!!!
19th Jan: Progress Test
20th Jan: OSCE (friggin scary!)
Ps2: I miss you kak mimi, if youre reading this. muah xoxo. of coz miss you too kak lydia. Love you two so much, it really hurts to be here alone in the UK.

Is this what I want to do, really?

2009-01-14T14:56:00.002Z

This picture is disconcerting. Why am I looking at it anyway? There are alot more not-so-nice (I dont want to say f***ing horrendous) pictures that I've came across: vaginal discharge, perforated bowel, fungating breast cancer, gangrenous toes that self-amputate. And they all made me questioned myself, is this really what I want to deal with?

Dreams

2009-01-13T00:10:00.002Z

Look at the bedroom! How inviting is that??? Now I just need a MAN. Sorry for such random post. I'm psychotic (again?!) - and the rate of me visiting interior design blogs is exactly proportionate to the amount of stress I'm having. Gosh. So, here we go... enjoy the image. Imagine sleeping on THAT bed. I'll probably will never want to get out of bed. Anyways, kisses- till next time.

14th Jan: Patient Management Paper
19th Jan: Progress Test
20th Jan: OSCE (friggin scary!)
I'm pissing in my pants just looking at that timetable, now if you could excuse me, I'm gonna hunt for somemore eye candies (in form of kitchen design). Pardon my tangentiality and affect dissociation.

*The image was taken from http://www.sfgirlbybay.com/

Its cold!!!

2009-01-11T00:23:00.004Z

Today it was so cold it was unreal. And I'm not even kidding - it was windy, it was so bleak*, it was one of the coldest days this winter season.

I thought the temprature must have gone down to subzero (like in the range of -3 to -5 degree celcius) but the BBC weather centre reported that it has been 3-4 degree consistently throughout the day.

Cars are frozen, seats in the car were friggin cold, the steering wheel was absolute nightmare to touch.

I couldnt even sing as my lips chapped almost immediately after stepping out from my flat. And there were moments when I felt pain shooting through my teeth (super sensitive to cold thgs). Arrrggghhh.

But I was out of the flat anyway- (to get to hospital** and dropping at the town for a bit) and my left leg hasnt quite recovered from the numbness experienced earlier.

I really want snow. Please.

Anyway, at the time of writing, the weather in smallcity is as followed. Trust me it is VERY windy.

*Bleak- yes, although it reminds me of Forks where Edward and Bella live- but no thanks... its too coo...ooo...llll....ddddd............
**Hospital on Saturday morning for history taking and examination. In Joker's tone..why so serious???

Harrrrrroooowwwww!!!!

2009-01-08T00:33:00.004Z

coz that's how I say 'hello' in my world.. haha...so better get use to it.

So, whats up everyone?? I'm fine thank you.

Im so sick and tired from all the revision, its unbelievable. EMQs, PTs, OSCE, Skills, Revision sessions... the list never end...Hope I'll pass (see I am NOT even aiming for anything more than pass)

So, updates from the first week of 2009.

i) Today I attended revision day at my base hospital and one of the consultants is so handsome, it was worth turning up just to look at him. His presence was THAT overwhelming, my heart fluttered. *drool*

ii) A joke (laugh laaa.... so funny)

*****
Anne Robinson (on the weakest link): In medicine, what "p" is said to be better than cure?
Celebrity A: Prescription.
*****

iii) A new dress code/regulation for coming FINALs was emailed to students. My friends were talking about it over dinner at a restaurant where I was sitting at the other end of the table. So this was me trying to chip in (as per a student who didnt know about the said email)..

Friend A: ........dress code.....haha......ni..qop.....of course......... (..... : something2 I couldnt hear clearly coz she's at the other end of the table)

ME: Haaa..... bikini top? Of course la you cannot wear that. Its the exam for God's sake.

Friend B, C, D and E turned to look at me (with such look that means "Is this girl retarded or what?")

ME: What? Dont say anyone is planning to wear that!!

Others: hahahahhahahahha

ME: What?? Its not funny la wearing bikini top to exam. Its gonna be frigging cold somemore.

Friend A: Ni-qap* lah, not bikini top.

I swear if I'm in a pantomime at the very moment, background music will go: Kuang.. kuang...kuang...erk! and there'll be a cue card for "LAUGH as loud as you could".

*Niqap is a type of extended hijab worn by Muslim women to cover their face.

iv) I did many questions (like almost 2000 EMQs already) but I have a doom feeling that the more I do, the more muddled up I am. The last set I did I was so frustrated with myself for scoring only 55%. So stupid right? The questions was not so difficult but they certainly were very tricky- like I know the answer roughly but not accurately just yet. Really fed-up.

v) Im actually very scared of the FINALS.

Herbert the Pervert

2009-01-05T11:39:00.000Z

This is a clip of Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy. He's a paedophile and the clip was taken from the epic special episode of the series- STARWARS.

classic!

When is it gonna snow?

2009-01-03T13:05:00.000Z

Its 3rd of January already. No signs of snow. Nil.
Please God let it snow. It has been freezing cold for the last few days (in the range of negative) with no rain.
Today its bright and sunny outside but most of the ground surrounding my flat is covered with frost. Gosh. I'm not complaining about it being sunny (sun is better than rain at any rate), but its just too cold.
And I dont even know to whom exactly I'm ranting this too.
Ok- I'll go and search for some snow myself (not literally- but photographically on flickr.com). Bye.

Edward Cullen

2009-01-01T10:47:00.002Z

Dear Edward,
I'm in love with you. Truly.
Bite my neck anyday!
p53 xoxo

What a good way to kick start a new year. Happy new year to everyone!
Good news everywhere (apart from the current attack at Gaza, Palestine.)

i) Twilight made more than four times its reported $37 million production budget—the best rate of return on any film in the 2008 Top 10, including The Dark Knight. Sweet!!!
ii) New Moon is as good as Twilight. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!**** Edward proposed to Bella. whoohooo.... I love but hate but love but hate the 2nd book. It hits too close to home- I feel the pain too Bella my dear. I cried when Edward left, but jumped in delight when he returned, but screamed when he went to see the Volturri. Jacob was nice and all that but vampire is much better than werewolf, sorry mate!
iii) I'll get the boxset as present from BFF soon. yeah!!!!

For endless pictures of Edward Cullen go here, so simply type in edward cullen at google search. Robert Pattinson was a really BAD actor. The movie could have been better, like seriously!

*
*
*
*
*

*
*
*
*
*

*
*
*
*

opps... sorry I got sidetracked into daydreaming about him. smile. blush. smile. restart heart. ok. back to normal.

Hope this 2009 brings joy and loads of new exciting things to everyone. love, p53.

Breaking bad news

2008-12-31T01:25:00.004Z

How not to break bad news!
from family guy- sorry for the poor quality of the first video, the second one was three girls messing about- which was funny nevertheless.

Vacuum

2008-12-30T03:24:00.001Z

Yesterday one of my flatmates vacuumed her room. And the kitchen. Then I heard her cleaning her bathroom and tidying up her room. I thought then, what's happening here? She rarely does these kind of things. (Anyway, sorry flatmate if you're reading this- I wont want to go into your room normally)

Something brewing....

And I was right. Today she had few visitors. GOTCHA!

Things I'm into Right Now

2008-12-29T23:43:00.004Z

i) Interior design- i've been visiting design websites/blogspots and the likes every single day. more than i should anyway- just for ogling over the gorgeous pictures- which will then lead to countless hours of daydreaming of how MY house will look like.

ii) Fashion blogs- wth? as if they have anythg to do with me. that's where everyone gets it wrong- i love dressing up, i'm just lazy to make the effort. gimme theme party anyday! going to hospital may be like going to an event- yeah- bring out those sexy, super-tight pencil skirts.

iii) Edward Cullen. I dont even want to start.

iv) Edward Cullen should be at number one of this list btw. I love him more than life itself- at least for the pre- and post-sleep periods where I truly believe that I'm in his arms. (Hypnopompic and hypnogogic hallucinations for you medics out there!)

v) Shopping? wait- no- thats a chronic obsession since like forever.

vi) Chatting on yahoo messenger with my dad AND my mom. I'm not kidding. The last time I chatted to my dad, he asked whether its alright for him to find a husband for me. OK was my answer, can you believe it!

vii) Revision: like of course. *&^%$#^&%$$$@!((@&#^%

**disclaimer: if i have extra time on my hands, i'll probably elaborate more on each of the subject matter. damn it decorno.blogspot.com- leave me alone!!!!!!!! (its like watching porn for interior design- seriously- give me tingle in the silly place.***

Songs

2008-12-22T22:39:00.000Z

Mission: to listen to iPod on shuffle mode for two hours and write down short note for songs that bring back memories. (Editor's Note: this is a mission set by p53 herself, hey get back to revision!!)

Emotion- Destiny's Child
Haha, this song brought back a funny memory actually. I caught my uncle (yeah right.... my macho uncle) singing this song while he washing his car. Anyway, its a nice song.

Canon in D minor- Pachebel
When I was in Prague, I attended a string quartet performance in a renovated chapel. Beautiful song- almost surreal when listen to in a live performance.

Its raining men- The weather girls
I remember battling this song on PS3 with Big City's BFF. Serious matter! We sang our heart out to be crowned as 'superstar' (aka expert level), ignoring all the audience (which grew in number without me realizing it- we sang at a flat of 7 boys- whooo-hooo)

Family Guy

2008-12-17T23:33:00.001Z

Officially my current fav cartoon/comedy show. Highly recommended for watching during dinner + perfect excuse to loosen up after a full day at hospital.

Let me introduce the ppl in "Family Guy"

The Family:

Peter:

Stewie:

Quagmire:

Paedophile:

~ * ~ * ~

More detailed explanation about the characters in future entries, promise!

Moon

2008-12-15T22:27:00.001Z

For the last few weeks, my friends (other final yr medics) and I have been attending afternoon revision sessions that usually finish at around 7pm-ish... which is very late considering that there are days that we have to been in hospital at around 8am and also the fact that dusk is around 4pm.

Well anyway, coming back from one of the revision session the other day, I was walking with another 6 friends toward the bus stop. It was damn cold, wet night.

Friend A: Look at that moon.

All: waaaaaa

Friend B: Sooo pretty!!!

Me: Halo around it, phwaoah!

Friend C: Looks like Kayser-Fleischer Rings.

All: Sheesshh.

You know when you start making medic joke, then, thats when you revise too much!

Alex- the winner of Xfactor 2008

2008-12-13T23:13:00.002Z

Quick update:

Alexandra Burke won the 2008 X-Factor. YEAHHHHH!

She deserves it really. She has such strong voice.

All songs that she sang tonight were super amazing (not to mention the fantastic duet with Beyonce.. whoop, whoop)

PS: I'll upload her winning performance soon. Watch the space.

PPS: THANK GOD Eoghann didnt win. NYAH.nyah.

Train

2008-12-12T21:31:00.002Z

Have you ever stood right next to the rail at train station when a fast train is passing?

If yes: How does it feel like?

If no: Go to a small train station where most fast trains just pass by without stopping.

I swear to God, it does feel surreal. The train is fast as hell (65-70mph). You'll never realized how fast it goes until you're standing at the aforementioned spot.

(Editor's note: why such random entry p53?)

Gossip Girl Update

2008-12-10T20:34:00.000Z

I just finished watching Episode 10 Season 2 of Gossip Girl, in fact I just finished catching up on the latest 6(!) episodes of Gossip Girl.

I love Blair.

(Previously I have always like S more than B.)

In this episode, Blair's mom is dating a new guy. He's not exactly a hearthrob. He's the opposite, physically. When this guy came to meet her for the first time, she was so shocked to see this guy's appearance. He's hideous.

Blair: I'm Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly's me.

(This is a mantra she repeated to herself to keep her cool although he is blatantly annoying).

I think I'm gonna practice that when dealing with people that annoys me.

PS: Chuck Bass is a legend.

Weekend

2008-12-09T22:49:00.001Z

I am convinced that I have African Sleeping Sickness.

All weekend I was sleepy.

Then my BFF pointed out to me that i) I'm not an African, ii) I've never been to Africa and iii) I'm always like that- so this sleepiness bouts are not entirely new.

I slept alot.

On Saturday, I only wake up because I had an avoidable errand to run.

On Sunday, I stayed in bed for my hours- blinking my eyes and day-dreaming (9am-11.45am) until HM#1 came into my room (at 11.45am) asking me whether I was still up for revision at 12noon. And I said to her (from beneath the duvet): But it's not 12 yet.

Yet I'm still tired.

Differentials anyone?

To anatomy body donors (in heaven)

2008-12-08T02:01:00.001Z

I would have too.

Source: postsecret.blogspot.com

The Gaudi Key

2008-12-07T10:25:00.002Z

I started reading this book entitled "The Gaudi Key" few days ago and it is seriously a page turner. The story-line and the pace of the story is pretty damn good so I find that my conscious mind is ridden with guilt whenever I sacrifice my sleep time (gosh, what the hell is going on) or reading time (ever so slightly) to continue reading just another page (which usually turns into a chapter).

Its the story about Gaudi (the famous Antonio Gaudi of Barcelona, yes youre right), the legendary architect and stories surrounding his death. Basically- as the book says- he was a member of the secret knight who protect the relics of Christ and the anti-Christ group murdered him. The story now unfolds as the protegee of Gaudi's protegee try to race against the time to save the relic from falling into the hands of the antiChrist group. Many mysteries solving and riddles and factual maths and detectives' investigation- so this book is like the da vinci code almost.

The Gaudi Key is actually a translated fiction novel. I am never a fan of translated works. But gosh- this one really grab my attention. Co-written by two authors, I think they did quite an awesome job in telling me (and million other readers) the story.

I hope the ending is not gonna be a let down (I'm half way through). And I truly hope that there will be some great twists (there was one already right at the very beginning). Come one, join me read the book.

Since I dont know what was the real story with Gaudi, his life, his works (la sagrada familia among others), I dont know which part of this book is real and which part is fiction. Well, I'll ask someone later (M- that's you).

The bottomline is I will never look at Gaudi's work in the similar way anymore.

Being mom

2008-12-06T15:45:00.001Z

I have a best friend and so happy for her that finally she's in the dating world. She went for her first date ever* (like ever, ever- she's 22 now) just a few days ago. Bless.

BFF and me coached her a bit the night before. What to say, what to wear, ways to laugh, what to order, what topics to avoid. We must have been more excited than the girl herself. Bless.

The afternoon that I sent her off at the door, wishing her well, I seriously felt like I'm a mother sending her daughter for her first date. Bless.

With the supernatural power that I have, I predict that my best friend will marry him comes summer. And I will also cast spells so this will happen before I go back to my own lovely country for good post graduation. I will bloody make sure that they fall in love with other deeply (let me think of a suitable potion for this, a-ha, I think I have that very right one). Bless.

Anyway, back to this world: **recent update- post date** Things are looking good between them two. Bless.

*When was the first time YOU go for a date??

I kissed a girl and I like it....

2008-12-05T12:30:00.002Z

DUDUDUDU...

Yes i had, not recently though.

(someone asked me about it the other day)

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

But I kissed boys and I liked them more.

PS: Hi future husband, sorry about this.

Updates

2008-12-04T00:58:00.003Z

Apologies for the apparent hiatus from the blog (only 4 entries in NOV???!! what??!!). I can give excuses (like thousands of them) but I dont want to. Its just plain lazy/buzy.

As per today, its exactly 6 weeks to my FINALS. FINALS of medicine. That's why I've been rather oocupied.

You guys will be glad to know that I do revise. Although the rate is not promising, I'd say suffice. Tbh knowledge-wise, its still all over the place. Help me God. Heavily relying on my wittiness/prettiness (haha!)/prayers from my parents. Like seriously.

Starting from today, I'll try to put up entries unrelated to FINALS (dont fear the F word, gosh- im still in denial).

Of course

2008-11-19T22:58:00.004Z

Thanks to God, I'm ALLright now. Healthy bunny. The flu-like illness that I had for the last three weeks has now settled. Last week was the worst. I actually had rigors. Rigors like rigors should be: shaking the bed and all. Madness I tell you. Never in my life I experience such thing, so of course I was so upset (the hypochondriac in me more like it) thinking that it was actually the end of world. Thinking that I was about to die. That was on Thursday of last week.

I came back from my GP practice (having sitting in consultation with my GP tutor- which was fine at the time, until I had my lunch and couldnt eat- which was out of the norm for me- like completely- then the rigors started) feeling very dreadful and shaking (with teeth clattering of course) all my way on the train.

Then, I decided (one of my wisest move that day) to text HM#1, plaeding her to pcik me up from the train station as i felt as is I was about to pass out.

Can.not.walk.back.home.feeling.so.fucking.cold.like.i.was.about.to.freeze.to.death.

Stepping into her car, she asked one question: Are you alright?

And the gate gave away. Tear gate thats it. The feeling was just so overwhelming- I felt so awful, so tired, so shaky, so pissed-off, so ill, so depressed, so dead, so cold. I just sat there at the back seat and cried. Like a baby. Talking baby. (Ranting about how stupid my GP -my actually GP's gp- my own doctors as I couldnt get any urgent appointment- hello- I'm dying here!!)

She was used to it though (me crying, not me being unwell). There was BFF too in the car. And that of course only lower down the threshold for emotional outpouring. They were concerned of course. For the facts that i) I looked very unwell ii) I cried without inhibitation iii) I kept on cursing with alot of the F words.

Primary Care Trust (Out of Hours) service was contacted. Appointment was booked two hours later. Hot soup was consumed while waiting. I was triaged (nurse) and examined (by doctor of course). Antibiotic was prescribed. Chemist was visited, prescription was obtained. First dose of Abx was taken. Dinner and was put to bed by HM#1.

End of drama.

All this while (last three weeks) I've been having headache that worsen when waking up from sleep in the morning/coughing/sneezing/bending down. I was convinced that I MUST have some sort space occupying lesion as that kind of headache is characteristic of raised intracranial pressure. Or at least my hypochhondria alter-ego thought that.

Coryzal symptoms tied up with headache, the diagnosis given by the doctor was: sinusitis. I was like: really? sure it is not something more serious? I'm septic already!

Temp: 38.9c and RR 18bpm and pulse 110bpm.

Thats classified as SIRS (systemic inflammatory response sndrome).

"Alter ego: I'm dying here. Im dying here, helllllllooooo...."

Duh, give it a try.

The next day I felt much much much better. Like magic I woke up that morning (Friday) without headache and temp. Id been having headache for the longest time, I actually forgotten how does it feels to NOT have headache. Feels good, let me tell you that.

Friday went by so quickly. Drowsy from the lemsip.

So did the weekend.

This week I feel much better. There is actually bounce in my walk. I skip while I walk when I'm happy. I start singing again. And humming to tunes. Making small talks that I was too uninterested to make before with the staff of the GP practice I am at right now (gosh- they must think that I'm a snobbish asian girl who simply dont talk to other member of staff apart from doctors). I wake up in the morning, looking forward to things that lay ahead of me that day (as opposed to cursing of course). I wake up without headache (I know, i mentioned it already- but this is a very important point). I find it nice to receive phone calls from friends (as opposed to feeling dreadful having to put up an upbeat tone or declining the calls). I watch ANTM and Gossip girls. I start gossiping and going shopping again. I start to like my crushes again.

I'm almost normal.

Yeah.

Of course, thanks to GOD.

*Of course, the title of this entry: count the no# of times that I said that phrase.

Series of unfortunate events

2008-11-12T15:39:00.002Z

As we all know, I'm doing my community placement in a little town (smaller than SmallCity). I like the GP practice but I absolutely hate the commuting bit.

Today, the weather was really cold (4-5degree) despite the day being sunny. Arriving at the SmallCity train station I decided to get a taxi, because I dont wanna walk back to my hall. I couldn't even imagine how much worse the coughing would be like if I walk in cold temperature like this. (Editor's note: p53 is a known asthmatic- however, the last time she had an asthma attack was close to 8 years ago- so she's putting it all down to the viral infection that she has)

p53 (went to a taxi)

Taxi driver-TD (summon me to get into his taxi)

p53: can I get to ******** Street?

TD: you can walk there- why do you want to get a taxi there?

p53: its too cold, I dont feel like walking.

TD: waste of my time only. (pulling out of the taxis driveway)

And with that I felt: wth? I was so tired to rebut what he just said. But certainly couldnt believe my luck. What a shiiiteee day!

(Arriving at my hall) TD: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Its just around the corner, you know.

Oh, come on- drop it. I paid 2pound for the 2 mins journey. He looked damn annoyed, but I have the last say: Customer is always right.

GP land

2008-11-04T00:04:00.007Z

GP land so far has been very tiring but entertaining.

At the beginning, I started with apprehension thinking that its all gonna be damn ol boring depressive patients. And common cough and cold. Plus the fact that I have to travel to an even smaller town for it (40min door to door journey).

I was right to some extend. Many patients like that. However, I've seen interesting cases. For example: barotrauma post scuba-diving, meningioma and palpitations that turned out to be an ectopic case.

One of the GPs is an absolute bonker! I love him (just like how I love my BIGPROJECT's tutor). He (now will be called- THE GP) is a type of person who will put minimal possible effort to get by and hates patients who come in with nitty gritty problems.

Quotes so far:

Patient #1: I think its the bugs that've been around. I bet you have a lot of patients with it.
THE GP: Hmmm... not a lot... only like hundreds each day.

Me: Is it alright if I go out through the back door?
THE GP: Yup sure, because if you try to go through the front one, you'll find it impossible to do so. I've locked it.

Then, there is another GP whom I like very much. He's so nice. When I found myself with a non-functioning otoscope and surgery list of multiple ear problems, I frantically went searching for a replacement.

GP: You can use my otoscope.
Me: But then what if you need it later?
GP: Its alright, I'll use yours.
Me: But its NOT working.
GP: (big smile + wink) I'll pretend that it is. Patients wont know any difference.

Wish me well

2008-11-01T06:54:00.003Z

I am very ill. So please do wish me well.
Yesterday, I didn't go in at all. In fact on Thursday (the day before yesterday), I skipped the afternoon half because of this constant headache I had.

On Friday morning, I went to the skill lab to practice some skills. OMFG- how tedious and how I just couldn't concentrate. Then I said to HM#1 (who I love dearly) that I wanted to have some hot soup. Off we went to a small village cafe about half an hour drive from the base hospital.

Back home afterwards, I had some Paramax (Paracetamol + Metaclopramide). Yeah- that was how unwell I was. Nauseous for no apparent reason. Unless you guys want to consider intracranial problem. No, lets not go down that route.

I slept very early (not a surprise, I know) and I was very crossed with myself for missing Little Britain USA. Again.

Hence, that's why I'm up very early on weekend (big no-no in my life). Cross my fingers and hope that something good will happen today.

If I know how to do magic

2008-10-28T23:17:00.003Z

I'll go a beach RIGHT NOW.

I'll be in a hammock illuminated by flickers of light from a small fire, drinking chilled cocktail, looking at the stars.

But, as I dont know how to... might as well go to die!

Nauseous

2008-10-28T20:12:00.004Z

You see the smile that's on my mouth,
Its hiding the words that don't come out,
All of the friends who think that I'm blessed,
They don't know I'm in this mess.

Lately I've been worrying myself sick with stuff. Important stuff that will have major implication on my future. Never in my life that I've been this restless thinking about something and very unsettled regarding it. For the first time, I am uncertain as to what to do.

I'm so confused.

At the moment I am slightly depressed, which no amount of chocolate/wine/kiss* could make it right.

If I am another person looking at me right now, I'll feel nauseous.

*Delete as necessary.

PS: Quote from The Story- Brandi Carlile

Who wear what?

2008-10-22T22:31:00.002+01:00

This is me. Really. In my traditional dress. I luv it! Oh how I wish I can celebrate Eid with my family. Celebrating with friends is great nonetheless.

This is me (blue-faced) and my cute friend (green-faced). That particular day we dressed as the gossip girls. ala blair- hence the ruffles and the pencil skirt.

Haaha... sorry for such vain entry. I need to show the outfits! Gorgeous!!!

Its scareyyyyyy...

2008-10-21T19:39:00.002+01:00

i) that exam is in less than 3 months and I have done absolutely nothing.

ii) that I am always tired without any known or diagnosed pathology.

iii) that there is a possibility that I may have cancer and not know it.

iv) how agitated a patient with a real active stroke presents.

v) to even imagine that i'll never find my true love.

vi) to wake up from sleep but unable to move any limb.

vii) to know all MY family history.

Pictures

2008-10-19T21:25:00.003+01:00

again...

THIS IS HOW I WOULD DRESS (if i could).
I heart the simple crossed halter on the far right.
I'm certainly digging the hair.
Thanks Jasmine di Milo.

This super wonderful collage was taken from here
I love this blog, so please do check it out.

Photolog

2008-10-11T18:48:00.015+01:00

I wanted to have Italian food for dinner for quite some time now. So Italian food I cooked. I have no idea why all the pictures of these gorgeous food turned out to be with severe yellow tint, but nevertheless, do imagine the excitement of having them. Glorious!!!

For starter: Melanzana alla Parmiagiana (Aubergine with vege in tomato sauce + cheese topping) and Goat cheese stuffed pepper with breadcrumbs served with caramelised balsamic vinegar (oh- how very mouth watering).

For main: Tagliatelle with chicken in mushroom and cheese sauce

For desserts: Profiteroles

All the food had been inspired by recent dinner outings. The recipes that I found on the internet dont make sense, so HM#1 and me decided to make it up along the way. And I was dead chuffed when they all turn out so delicious. Goat cheese stuffed pepper is very simple to prepare: cut the long pepper into half, stuff with cheese, sprinkle with breadcrumbs, bake for 10 mins and serve with caramelised balsamic vinegar. It has strong taste and smell to it. I luv it (in the words of cheryl cole). The profiteroles were from a supermarket though, although if needs be (with a lot of time at hands), HM#1 can prepare it from scratch.

I wore this whole assemble to hospital the other day. One of the plastic surgeon registars said and I quote: "You look like you just stepped out from London Fashion Week". Seriously she said that!!! I was of course very delighted and I think that it was the nicest compliment ever given to me. She added "Everything is so stylish, the little flowers on your watch, the steth in back pocket, wait- thats a jean? ooOoOo. Nice". LAlalalalLala. Ultimate achievement. So for the benefit of this blog readers, let me present: the details of the outfit.

The bag, the watch, handmade (by me) necklace, the shoes and the jeans.

Remember I wrote an entry previously about Ceilidh dance, here a picture form the dance. Note the kilt and the metal piece (dont know what it is called) of my dancing partner. He's a lovely guy from the year below.

What's on TV?

2008-10-05T19:58:00.005+01:00

*** These are all personal opinion. If you disagree, well, tough. My blog my say.***

i) It sucks that Clarke was eliminated last week from ANTM Cycle 11. Really. She's really stunning even though she behaves like a proper bitch at times. The week before she had this amazingly gorgeous eyes shoot that I totally swooned for. She won then, but I guess the arrogant nature of Clarke got the better of her. Joselyn is weird esp her laugh. Her features are not so striking and last week she performed badly doing the disaster-themed shoot, its a miracle that the judges chose her over Clarke. Then one of my flatmates raised a very important point that I had overlooked: ANTM's judges cant really kicked her out because otherwise the show wont have anymore black (or should I say- African American, no offense for the previous choice of word) people in it. Ooohh... I didnt realized that. Well- that's really unfair for Clarke- she really is gorgeous and I think Joselyn wont last long. Promise!

Tyra (to Joselyn): we are giving you another chance because of your personality.

p53 (to Tyra): personality- my ass- what a lot of rubbish.

ii) It was again another episode of nail-biting and nerve wrecking episode of X-FACTOR. Top three of each group were chosen, and to be honest I didnt care a shit about any group other than the girls. All bar one was damn good. Too bad that Cheryl Cole got the girls, they are better of under Simon. I really didnt expect Hannah to be that good. Today, she was nothing short of perfect. And after reviewing (read: you-tube watching) her previous performances, she had been really consistent all through out. Her voice has got this rocky-husky edge to it and she delivered. Man, I was so dissappointed that she didnt make it for the live-show. Laura White- got through: no surprised there; with voice like Amy Winehouse- I really wish her all the best in her coming songs choices. Diana Vickers is great. I absolutely love her performance (Hallelujah) in the bootcamp. A bit too disappointed that Amy Connoly's journey in XFactor ended now (over that alexandra girl). Ah.

iii) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was on TV again. Again like for the 5th time since I've been in the UK. And yet there I was watching it and singing along (yes i know- guilty as charged- I have this penchant for musicals). Never notice this before: Baron Bomhurst's castle was actually NEUSCHWAN-freaking-TEIN. Been there!

Anyway... favourite song from the movie was: Doll on a music box . However today I fell for "truly scrumptious". And of course I was elated beyond words when those two songs were combined towards the end of the movie. Truly is soooo pretty. Ahhhhhh.

Eating Disorder

2008-10-04T05:28:00.003+01:00

The other day I watched a very interesting documentary on Channel 4. It was about an 8 years old who is an anorexic. [Click here to watch it online] I was shocked to see such incident. 8 years old?!!! What's up with the kiddies these days. When I was a child of that age, all that I'm concern about is "will I miss the ice cream man if I take a quick nap".

She's called Dana. Very beautiful girl. Pretty but thin (does this ring any bell??). (Editor's Note: p53 IS pretty and thin, but she is not in any way anorexic). It all started when she tried to eat healthily by giving up sweets and junk food. Then she became a vegetarian and not long after that she gave up food altogether.

It was shocking (to me, lest my sheer ignorance for the subject matter) to know that are more anorexic girls under the age of ten these days compared to previously. Obsession with body image has affected children of young age. Gosh- that's a disturbing thought.

There I was- sitting in front of the TV gawking at it and making mental list of an anorexic's S+S. Dana ticked all the boxes.

When she looks at mirror she sees a FAT girl (she is about 3 stone in weight)
Extreme exercise (skipping all the time- mom took away her skipping rope, she then run up and down the stairs- mom detained her in her room, she then jumps on the same spot- dear God)
Has a voice in her head that tells her thing and controls her LIFE.
Calories counting. Even the older girls (in the rehab centre where she was at) was surprised to learn the fact that she knows the calories for everything.

[Click here for a review of this documetary]

The next day when I was in hospital I met a patient with ?Eating disorder. 80 odd. She refused to eat anything solid despite not having any dysphagia. Ensure (a type of nutritional drink/shakes) was delivered to her in small medicine cup- for which she happily drink away thinking that it was medicine. Ha! Of course the consultant was worried about her food intake, she's at high risk of not getting enough calories/nutrition. On further questioning (of her daughter) she has always been thin- all her life.

Plus I noticed that she is very conscious about her appearance. Insisting of wearing matching coloured garment (pink nonetheless) from top to toe. At first I thought she's probably losing it (i.e. her mind- being old and all that), then when she really fiddle* with her hair while talking to my consultant or any other male doctors as a matter of fact, you know- with giggle and darting eyes. Body image issue anyone?

Numbers of elderly with eating disorder is underdiagnosed. The sad thing is when it is not detected(?) early enough, he/she will deteriorate fast or even die (many comorbidities and poor diet esp those living alone).

My say: old also want to look pretty meh? Just enjoy life not that you have many of it left.

*fiddle as in: brushing her hair away from forehead and tucking it behind her ears in a very teenage-like motion. difficult to explain, has to witness first hand.

Early morning awakening

2008-10-04T04:39:00.004+01:00

God no, its 5am in the morning. And here I am logging onto internet, doing nothing in particular. I was awake since half 3. And for that I call myself a freak.

My sleeping pattern changed alot since the end of Ramadan (fasting month). Sleeping more than ever. You'd be surprise to know that on average I sleep more than 10 hours (even on weekdays!) Surely it wont do any good to my revision program (yup I do have one but failing very terribly to stick to the program).

However after a general inquiry to most of my friends, some of them also experienced sleeping problem. My gay best friend mentioned that he is currently lacking in sleep (the general medicine placement is too taxing he said). Some other fell ill due to changes in weather lately.

I think it the weather that wavers most hope we have inside of us. North west of the UK is notorious for that. This week has been an absolute nightmare. Some days it was pissing it down and some days it was sunny at 11am up to a point of boiling (of course in turtleneck and boots- who wouldnt- because it was initially wet and cold when I left my flat at 8am). You can bet that on the day that I forget to bring my brollies (umbrella) it will rain like hell.

I can actually feel a Seasonal Affective Disorder creeping in. Tsk.

I am noticably more quiet than usual (whatttt??) and prefer sleeping more than doing other thing. Some days I feel like snapping at people (esp one of my flatmates who behaves like a cow) and hospital is the only place I seek refuge from. Weird but true. In hospital with my team (in ward or clinic) I am still me. Generous, helpful and full with smiles. Out of hospital (even when walking toward the bloody bus stop- see Im doing it now), more often than not, I am a miserably person with very low energy level.

At least I dont lose interest in thing I like doing. FYI, reading textbooks has never been in that category (category: thing I like doing). I still get excited over groceries shopping, watching and commenting on Xfactor and ANTM, and enjoying good food.

Hope things will get better soon, p53.

Given above was an internal monologue of a final year medical student. Evaluate the situation (10marks).

Snippets

2008-10-01T23:03:00.005+01:00

Here are snippets of life from the past few days: hospital and non-hospital related.

i) I started with a new team last Monday and I seriously could NOT ask for a better team. One month of hospital placement with a stroke/ elderly medicine team. The SpR, the ST doctor and the FY1 are all fabulous. I love them. Yet to meet my consultant (although I know him from previous teachings) as he is on his week-off for Eid celebration.

ii) Talking of which, we celebrated our Eid on Tuesday. Yeay! I didnt take any day off, no point really as there were no mosque close by that I could have gone to for Eid prayer. So I went to hospital instead. (No kidding).

iii) On Tuesday I received a lot of Eid wishes and that made me happy. I talked and examined alot of patients and that made the patients happy. I taught some 3rd year juniors some CT thorax and murmurs and that made them happy. I got off my ward early and that made me even happier. Then I had big dinner with housemates (they cooked traditional dishes and I baked!) and of course that made me super happy. Then when I thought I couldnt be any more happier than I was at the time, my crush called me. And that made me float. Really.

iv) So today I brought some of the cookies for my team and staff at the ward. I grinned from ears to ears with the reception that I received for my humble little cookies.

v) Ward was quiet today. Except for a patient who screamed (very loudly!!!) when ST tried to cannulate him. He said and I quote: "I dont want anything doing with me anymore, just let me be. If its my time, then let me die. Stop... stop... stop everything (voice diminished)..."

Questions: When do we know when exactly to stop? When patient is competent, can we doctors still intervene against patient's wish, in the name of -patient best interest-? What happen to our oath if we dont do anything to this patient? Is it a passive euthanasia if we let the patient be? Does prolonging patient's life means prolonging patient's suffering?

vi) Alrighty, that was btw a patient with rectal cancer who bleeded PR last night (passing maleana and clots of fresh blood). He was an 80y-o (4years hx of cancer) and refusing any further interventions (fluids, bloods, endoscopy etc). This was a same patient who reported seeing things that werent there (?hallucination due to secondary mets in brain). Bless his soul. I dont want him to suffer anymore, but I dont want him to die either. Tough call.

vi) One of my friends came to my ward (her ward was opposite my ward) and she was surprised to see that my ward is very modern and new and spacious and nicely done. And that my team is super friendly. Ha. Just my luck.

vii) Then later today I cooked soto for dinner. Very delicious yet very time consuming and patience-testing dish. So many different steps (make the rice, then the soup, then have to shred the chicken, then boil potatoes, then mix with mince meat, make meatballs, fry them, make fried onions, prepare cripsy vermicelli, prepare spicy chilli soy-sauce, omg why did I choose to make this in the first place???) Luckily I got help from couple of very nice people, even then all the cooking took 2 hours to complete. It look like this [picture credit]

Good day? yes. hope everyone is also having a good time no matter what you guys are doing.

xoxo gossip girl eh, xzxz sleepy medic.

Updates

2008-09-27T10:49:00.004+01:00

Hi to all,

How is everyone? Hope weekend brings only joy to everyone's life.

Okkkaaay...

I finished one month placement in a block called Student Selected Block (SSB).

Glad that I started with SSB first (i mean if say for example I were to start straight to hospital placement with a surgeon- which will definately crush my world and make me miserable).

During SSB I had chance to laze around (like seriously) and eased myself in a very relax and slow-mo way into learning atmosphere (remember that by the time final year started I had NOT done any serious reading -on medicine and surgery- for at least 5 months: yeah- all due to short project, big project and summer holiday). so phew!

The essence of SSB is for students to do as much as (or as little as- like me- BAD!!!) they like to gain insights into the medical world. Sound cliche I know, but we are talking business here man! There were compulsory sessions to revise skills (which was an utter waste of time me thinks because we all fecking know already ALL the bloody skills). Then there were human simulation sessions (SIMs) that were exciting at times and got stressful at the others. In SIMs, students were asked to managed a dummy for various emergency situation. The SIMs can speak, blink his eyes, has circulating blood, receive IV drugs n fluids and for f*** sake has a cardiac arrest!!!

On top of all that, we had to do compulsory sign-ups fo career taster (read: spend a day or half a day with a consultant asking them a lot of questions about their specialty and hopefully taste what the specialty can offer). I was personally frustrated that specialty like genetics and hematology are not included in the list. Instead we had this long list of rubbish. And due to compulsory nature of having to do at least one career taster per week, reluctantly I had to sign-up for the rubbish ones (you can choose, but the choices are very limited, and all the interesting ones- I know how roughly the specialty works as I had spent time in doing projects- like oncology etc). Neurophysiology- wtf? Plastic surgery. At least now I know for certain that I wont ever choose to specialize in either of them.

If there was one good thing that come out of the career taster rubbishness; it'll be spending a morning with a newly appointed, not to mention super cute, Anaesthetist. He is so charming, its untrue. Seriously, I swooned and drooled. So bad, p53. But hey ho, anaesthetics is again NOT an area of interest. Radiology, however, seem promising (never thought that it'll be!) so I will definately consider it in case of me being complacent and as lazy as I am right now comes 5 years time.

So that's roughly an SSB block in smallcity's base hospital. I heard in other base hospitals, they hardly have anything (what? two weeks of nothingness?) and close to 200 students were placed at this tertiary cancer centre of excellence. Dont know which one is better, our SSB or theirs. I still choose our SSB despite its utter crappyness over complete nothingness that will only send me straight to depression-land.

Ok guys, weather is nice. I'm gonna go out and soak some sun and probably hit on some guys. Whoops.

Ps: Eid celebration program is in place. Whoops whoops... I baked some cookies last nite and managed to find matching scarf and shoes for my eid dress the weekend before. And now, who should I pick to be my arm candy (read: date) for the big kick ass eid celebration party in BIGCITY?

Blogging so far

2008-09-25T01:35:00.001+01:00

I just realized two things about this blog:

i) I didnt have any entry in August. Explanation: was traveling for the whole month!

ii) I went pass my 100th entry mark and I didnt notice it. Explanation: Just the kind of thing that I didnt realize unless someone mention it to me.

HIV

2008-09-25T01:18:00.007+01:00

I think somewhere previously I had mentioned that HIV is one of my favourite viruses (reason: its clever, living intracellularly crippling the immune system insiduously, yeay!). Actually world will be a better place without it, seriously we are better off without this dangerous retrovirus.

FACT: More than 30 million people worldwide are now infected with HIV. That's alot! -Considering that there are a lot more undiagnosed cases.

Speaking of which, mom and dad are worried that I'll be going to Africa soon (for electives). I am not. Well, at least yet.

PS: Finally, a medically related entry! Ha. You guys will be pleased to hear that revision has started for (poor?) me albeit very slowly (escargot or tortoise like speed)

How much sex is enough?

2008-09-22T18:33:00.004+01:00

"For me? Oh, God. My idea of the perfect life would be if we just stayed in bed all time. We could make love more or less continuously, only get up to bring in supplies, you know, fresh water and fruit to prevent scurvy, and make occasional trips to the bathroom to shave before diving back into bed. And once in a while we could change the sheets. And go to the movies to prevent bedsores."

-a quote from a novel; has niffenegger been reading my mind?-

Ceilidh Dance

2008-09-19T07:03:00.004+01:00

I went to my first Ceilidh dance event.

It was AMAZING! (although at times, i was panting like hell, gasping for air, almost fainted even- OMG i am so unfit)
I danced with a lot of people, alot I meant alot. Lads and Lasses.
Grinning all night.

this is an example of ceilidh dance... the one that we had then was obviously more energetic and craaazeeeeee...
(of course being an event for medics*, dowh)

*fund raising for mountain rescue team. good stuff.

Eurotrip 2008 (Part 3)

2008-09-18T13:17:00.004+01:00

OK, is anyone out there still reading this? (I mean really interested in reading the travel stories, Me myself grow tired of typing despite the stories being very exciting for me personally)

Recap: We had been to Budapest, Vienna, Krakow and now heading to Prague. As I hinted previously: Prague is where everything went wrong. Of course, time for yet another list:

WHY I DON'T LIKE PRAGUE:

i) I had my first big argument with my traveling partner. Mind you guys, I have been traveling with this particular girl since the last five years and had had many good times (nope, let me change that: many great times) trawling the narrow streets of venice, feeding the kangaroo in melbourne, awe-ing at the art of Muslim architecture in southern spain etc. Details are hard to recall but to cut the story short: I had lack of sleep while she didn't have her daily dose of coffee the morning we shouted at each other in the metro (and at its platform) in Prague. That was really a BADDDD experience, definitely something that I wish will never happen again.

ii) Prague is too crowded. Too many tourists. Blocking all the views, disturbing all photo opportunities, annoying me at every turn!

iii) It rained. Every. Day. Boo. Me and Miss A again had disagreement: about the umbrella this time. Never thought that she was so sensitive about my usual frank comment, she was probably still geared up from the first fight (point no 1).

If there is one good thing that happened in Prague it would be going to string quartet performance in a converted church. They played crowd-pleaser renditions and I went ga-ga (as usual) over thing like this. Air (bach) and spring (Vivaldi) etc.

From there we went to Munich on a night train (which a total killer as the journey sucked big time- 4 hours stop in an extremely cold train station)

Munich is, again, a city that excel well beyond my expectation. I could actually see myself living there. Why? I dont know. But I just like the laid back atmosphere there. We went to Deustches Museum (and was amazed with the size and number of exhibits), watched a concert of Germany famous artists (free in the town square), climbed a clock tower (and saw gorgoeus view of the whole city), ate Halal chicken sandwich (and delicious ciabatta....hhhmmm...mmm) and spoke to Munchen people (very friendly, I must add).

Then... then... then.... (ooo this is very exciting) ..

we went to a castle: Neuwschwantein Schloss. It was damn gorgoeus. This castle was used as the template for designing the Sleeping Beauty castle in Disneyland worldwide. I find it very difficult to describe the area without pictures, because it really was amazing. Even with pictures, the real thing is so much more magnificent. Info: This area is located about 2 hours away from Munich.

Then, the journey continued into Switzerland. Absolutely breathtaking. More story later.

Ta, p53.

Eurotrip Summer (Part 2)

2008-09-13T03:23:00.005+01:00

Aih, seasonal affective disorder is here again for this academic year.
Boo.
Since we started (we referring to 5th years) on Monday the 1st of Sept, Friday was one the only totally free day that I had. So I slept. Nothing surprising or new there but, it got to the point of worryingly more than usual. I woke up for sahur (early morning breakfast in Ramadhan) and then got back to sleep. Woke up again around the usual time 9-ish. Had my shower and got dressed. Decided that reading about liver was wee bit too boring and had a nap. Woke up at 1pm-ish and looked out of the window. Drizzling. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 5pm. Thought that "man- this is sickening!" Out of my bed for good (for this sleeping marathon session).
Altogether it was 8hours of sleep on top of my regular 8hours of nightly sleep. Shocking.
I am not depressed am I? I need to really watch my sleep (like how those on diet really have to watch what they are eating).

Anyway... after I (finally) woke up, I went out for an iftar (when you break fast) dinner with a group of friends. Food was gorgeous. The restaurant that we went to is definitely one of the best Indian restaurant around. Worth a visit any day. 15quids for copiuos amount of food- I could hardly walk afterwards. Then back to my friend's place and played SceneIt on XBOX. Good stuff although I have to say I prefer PS3's SINGSTAR.

Ok.
Back to my Eurotrip story.

Recap: We've been to Budapest and Bratislava so far. Weather had been brilliant. Hot and sunny- probably I could get back to UK with a bit of tan.

We arrived in Vienna later that day (after spending a day in Bratislava). As with all cities that we have been to, upon arrival we had to figure out how does the public transport work. Let me add at this point that:-
i) Me and Miss A are both quite good in navigating our way in new places.
ii) We always take the cheapest option (sometime we are so lucky you just wouldnt believe it)
iii) Sometime it pains me just to leave a city when I'm already an expert of its transportation system, only to have to learn a new, completely different system in the next city. For this I always say: new city new adventure.

So from the train station we got to our hostel by bus. The hostel was a proper backpackers' place. We were placed in a room of 6. Went out to survey the area (almost sunset time then) and checked out the museum quarter and the Hofburgs (official palaces for the kings and queens of Austria). I remember having McDonalds (filet o fish- in case you're wondering) while looking at the shadow of the Hofburgs fall upon the Kunhistorisches Museum. When night beckoned, we made our way back to the hostel and I had (cold!) shower- with people playing poker right in front of my shower room. Not that it matters but it was certainly weird.

There were people playing loud Indian music from the room next to ours. The use of the word 'room' is probably incorrect as the hostel was more like a long corridor with make-shift cubicle consisting of thin cardboard and curtain. And then there were people who took ages to get ready to go out partying. I slept straight away only to wake to some snoring noise around midnight time. As I opened my eyes, I was not prepared to see what lay there in front of me. A BIG guy sleeping in just his boxers. What a frightening sight. Not that it matters but it was like a nightmare that I had to look at a relatively hairy guy sleeping less then 10feet away from me. Put on my earplugs and turned over to the other side, and voila.

The next day we went to Schonbrunn Palace (summer resident) and I personally found that it is very impressive. Learnt a bit about the Austrian history- which I have already forgotten about by the time of writing. The gardens are definitely something that I'll be proud about if I live there. Not like it ever gonna happen. Ha.

Austria in comparison to Budapest and Bratislava, is a modern city despite of perfect preservation of anything historic. Hence things cost slight more here. The city is cleaner and the poeple look well-off. The museum quarter is a hip area where a lot of teenagers hang out amidst bustling atmosphere.

I regretted the fact that we were only there for 1 day 1 night, so now I would like to advise to others who are planning to visit Vienna, please stay longer (3 days at the least) as there are so much to see. I missed out on the one of the world's best museum as it was closed on the day we were there. At this point let me give some tips:
i) Beware of opening days of major attraction (most museum close on Monday in that part of world)
ii) Note that on sunday, all shopping complex/ shops are closed (with the exception of eateries and Starsbuck and its alike)
iii) Plan that journey in a way that you couple sunday with the saturday before or monday with the tuesday after for each cities. Just so you wont miss out. Not that it matters if you just want to chill out in the park and eat and drink beers (for non-muslims only).

We took our first night train from Vienna to Krakow. Uneventful journey. I slept straight away but Miss A did complaint of slight sleeping difficulties in the first few hours. Poor girl, but she was fine for the subsequent legs of journey.

Warning: Do not attempt backpacking on train ever if you're a light sleeper/ can't sleep anywhere else apart from your own bed/ like the comfort of a proper bed. You will just hate the whole trip and make thing miserable for your traveling partner(s).

Krakow is awesome, man! Seriously truly a surprise coz I wasnt expecting it to be as good. It is a developing city (with loads of construction) that has well preserved historical sites. It has this multi-storey shopping complex that can rival Arndale of Manchester. Weather was bright and sunny for each day we were there (read: loads of ice cream!) Markets are simply the bomb (with such closed-knit atmosphere) with a lot of things organic and oh so fresh. The central square is so happening like you wouldnt believe that you are in Krakow, better than Trafalgar sq. Amber comes cheap (thats why I got some, hehe, mere excuse I know) and food are reasonably priced. The castle on the hill become a photoshoot location for me and Miss A. Trust me it is THAT beautiful. Then there is this river 5 mins walk from the castle. We played many round of Uno on the river bank while watching the sun set. Miss A kept on saying "this is the life man". Indeed. That was the life.

I dont think I can praise Krakow enough. If you're thinking of going to Poland, go to Krakow instead of Warsaw (some parts of warsaw were destroyed in WWII).

Speaking of which, we went to one of the concentration camp use by Hitler and his army to mass-murder Jewish and Polish during the WWII. Auschwitz. The name in itself send shivers down my spine. Those who are interested can read more about Auschwitz in Wikipedia. I have my own stand about this issue, which I'm not prepared to talk in length about. Ask me personally if you're interested to know.

Later that day we took a night train to Prague. Prague, where everything went wrong. Oh no.

To be continued.
p53 xoxo

Eurotrip Summer (Part 1)

2008-09-11T22:54:00.011+01:00

I have always wanted to backpack in Europe, be it on the train, hitch-hiking or road-trip by driving. Its just one of the things that I must do during my five years stay in

(yeah- something that I promised myself). It is also one of the things that are on my to-do-before-I-die-list. So- yahoo, bring it on.

The wise thing do is to planning for the trip long before the actual trip. The idea was, but the preparation was not. Should I go alone? Or should I go with a friend? Friend- which one is better- a male or a female? Where to go? Where to start? Budget? Means of transportation? And a lot of other small things but just as important. However with all the things going in 4th year and what seems like something very typical of me- all trip-related planning was done not long before the departure date itself. Spur of a moment kind of thing.

One of the most important issues prior to the departure date was: Should we (by this time I decided to go with Miss A, my travel partner) book everything beforehand? Or should we rough it and leave it all to fate? Bear in mind this is peak summer season we are talking about (smack bang right in August!) After careful deliberation following readings of few travel books, we decided to book everything- for our peace of mind.

Details:
When: August 2008
Where: Started in the UK then the other European countries.
Means: Train (with Interrail Pass for under 26- 10 days in 22 days)
Accom: Hostels
Budget: As much as the cost of a flight ticket back to home country in peak season (roughly 800quids- trust me- worth every penny!)
Baggage: Only small backpack allowed- for ease of traveling (about 25L each- light and can be carried on cabin)

Ok now the fun bit.

Route: A smallcity in UK- BRADFORD- YORK- MANCHESTER- BUDAPEST- BRATISLAVA- VIENNA- KRAKOW- PRAGUE- MUNICH- SWITZERLAND- PARIS-BRUSSEL-MANCHESTER- A smallcity in UK

Right after we moved out of our house in smallcity, we headed to Bradford to honour the invitation of HM#1’s parents. Good stuff: we ate a lot (in preparation of halalless eastern European countries) and watch tv like there was no tomorrow (no tv in hostels or even if they have one, most likely it’ll be in a foreign language).

Then we went to York to visit a good friend. Big country house/mansion. Her dog barked every single time he saw me. Bad dog. We had so much fun doing the new York Maze. It took us hours though. I still remember the brilliant time we had having (home-cooked) dinner in her garden just when the sun was about to set. I will miss her when I get back to my home country- seriously.

From there on, we got to Manchester. I saw few good friends and complaint about how long has 4th yr been. I topped up on carb before we flew to Budapest.

The immigration officer asked me: Do you have enough money?
Me: Sure (my mouth smiled then, when my brain was actually saying: Wtf is he thinking about?? Hell yeah I got enough money- did I not tell you just now that I was there on vacation?)
Immigration officer looked at me quizzing and then decided to let me through. (After few days, I found out why: a lot of illegal immigrants from Romania wears black scarf- like I did on arriving in Hungary). Ohh…. Hmm… we did see a lot of beggars when we were there –presumably Muslims from Romania/Bosnia? - Some with kids and all. Haih.

Budapest looks nice generally but some parts do look rundown. The city area is divided (by a river) into the Buda and the Pest area. One of the bridges crossing that river looks stunning at night. Interesting place includes: the castle, the funicular, the parliament and the massive, absolutely romantic looking park in the city- lots of couple were there for wedding photographs.

We met my best gay friend unexpectedly in Budapest- what a small world, by that time he was already two weeks into his trip- looking all tan and gay-ish (meaning happy).

Then we took a very early morning train to Bratislava. See the thing about using train pass you have to really organize and plan your route so that you can maximize its use. (unless of coz you get yourself an unlimited one month pass which gonna cost you 260quids). So a day trip to Bratislava it was. After which we headed straight to Vienna on the same day.

Bratislava is even more so run-down compared to Budapest. It was practically empty at 8.30am –time of arrival. It is a small, walkable city (with maps scale of about 1 km from east to west and north to south). Some part of the castle is currently under construction, so we spent our afternoon in the castle’s garden- lunching and reading. Other tourists found us interesting (or at least that’s what I thought) or probably pretty (no doubt about this) as most of them stared at us like the new see a-muslim-person before (ala Eminem in his Slim Shady song). The big cathedral is quite impressive in term of its height and I can only imagine how the long tall stain glass will look like from the inside (imagine because it was Sunday, and we didn’t go in as there was a mass taking place). We took bucket load of pictures considering how small this place is.

Then off to Austria late that evening.
(to be cont’d)
p53 xoxo

L.U.S.H

2008-09-11T05:36:00.004+01:00

I was in L.U.S.H yesterday when I couldn't help but eavesdrop the conversation of a group of youngsters. (Brief description: they are punk-ish looking, 15-16y-o two boys and two girls group of very close friends). What drew my attention was: the two boys are actually gay and so well spoken about all things girlish. Would have expected that when I saw one of them flicking his hair in such a show manner!

Quote:
Why don't LUSH make a perfume that smells like LUSH's shop? Coz I like the smell veeerrryyy much! Nothing more refreshing than 'this' (hands pointing to the air)!

well, thats what he said.
I couldnt agree less.

*LUSH is a company that produces ethical, hand- made based things (skincare, lotion, shampoo and soapsssss!) I love them all and I love the smell of the shop.

Helloooooooooooooooooo....

2008-09-03T23:57:00.003+01:00

Hi,
Yeah, I'm still around.
Just been away from all the internet for the last month more or less due to traveling.

Of course there is a lot to tell.
I don"t even know where to begin.

Traveling.
Eurotrip- as i keep on calling it. I visited 9 countries with my traveling partner and I absolutely enjoyed myself during the trip. Few glitches here and there, but hey ho, one thing struck off my to-do-before-i-die-list.
More stories about the trip in later posts. I couldn't upload the picture just yet- don't know whats up with my computer and couldnt find the original CD for the camera to reset the uploading system.

Ok.

I'm a fifth year now.
Can you believe it? I fond it hard to believe myself.
I still remember the first few weeks I was in UK and I met few of the final years then and I thought "Gosh, when will i ever be a final year?"
Well, I am now.
Scared to bones- remember nothing (well almost) medically related.
Nevermind, I'll take everything in my strike and see how it goes.
No point of worrying about whats gonna happen. or so it may seem as at 4th sept. ha.
More stories to follow.

Other than that:
i) I'm still sleepy most of the time (this fasting thing saps my energy faster than you can say energy itself)
ii) Still thin- thank God I didnt lose anymore weight than what I could afford. Backpacking is a sure way of losing weight- trust me.
iii) I kinda miss a lot of people right now. why o why?

Till then,
p53

Updates as promised

2008-07-28T01:19:00.003+01:00

In photolog style.

Week starting 14th July was one of the busiest week in 4th year. I had (well, ok, all of the 4th yrs had many deadline for this penultimate week of BIGPROJECT). I had to hand in my final draft, prepared powerpoint presentation, present it to supervisor, print my report, get it bind, submit before noon of 18th, make copies and return files. Phew... I ran around like headless chicken then and so did many others.

Then that weekend, I went to BIGCITY to spend my last days with one of my BFF. We did many things together (watching movies, tv, shopping, dining among others) for which I felt slightly flustered about knowing that she was gonna leave UK for good. I am totally gonna miss her.

-pic- flower (and grass!) exhibition in front of BIGCITY's town hall. Passing by in front of the town hall after watching MAMMA MIA at a local cinema. I sang all the way during the end credits and all the way back home on bus. Hehe.

-pic- shopping- yeah. me likey. As my friend needed to do some last minute shopping, I obliged easily to be her shopping assistant. Shopping is GREAT (even for some one else).

Then, we got our presentation on 23 + 24th. I was rather nervous for mine- it went well, thank God. Yaahuooo! I was impressed with some of the other topics. Few panels (5 panels aka examiner for each session) were really giving students hard time asking for what seem like difficult questions.

-pic- no pic from inside the lecture theatre- had pic from the outside instead. By the pond. Hmm.. the ducklings are now very big and strong albeit ugly (hehe, cannot help but say that sentence!)

Then my housemates, BFF and I went to Cheshire Oaks for massive summer shopping. I bought many pretty things. My friends bought many more pretty things. We were HAPPY!

-pic- me trying on stuff- the pants/trousers is super nice!!!

-pic- one day worth of shopping- yippee

updates as promised

2008-07-26T12:05:00.006+01:00

Hi ya all.

Updates updates updates.
Nothing majorly interesting but certainly they were significant for me.

17th July
I presented my project to my supervisor and another consultant (my supervisor is now away on a holiday at the time of writing, so someone else has to replace him at the ACTUAL presentation). They were rather concern about the presentation of the presentation. yeah, that's right, about the background colour and the font choice. My supervisor said and I quote

"You may think that red background is a good background colour, saucy even. But I think if we chance it to silver-greyish, I think its sexy"

And I was like "are you kidding me?"

So I changed some part of the presentation and sent it off to the admin peeps.

18th July
Deadline for submission of written report of our BIGPROJECT.
Me and BFF went to Staples in town and got them reports bound. I have never been to the Staples. So I was a bit gleeful entering a stationary heaven like that. Ooo-- look at that, ooo- look at this.

At the time, I must have sounded like a kid in a candy store. A loud one.

But really nice pens and brightly coloured papers bring out the inner child in me. Ha!

So I sent off my written report and felt as if I done something out of world. Its my baby really, but smudged with swear words (while I was doing it). I was so glad to part with the report. It is like a curse in itself. Making my life so miserable. I will write a reflective piece about the BIG PROJECT. Later.

At this moment of time, I want to bitch about my housemate no. 4 as she has been a total pain in the ass for the last few days. But I will throw a bitch fit later. Need to vent out somehow.

19th July
Was in BIGCITY. At my friend's house.
Good days.
We (three girlie girls) went to watch MAMMA MIA.
oh, and a what a brilliant movie it was.
I had to continuously remind myself to not to sing out loud. Which is very difficult as I know most of the songs. Ah.
There were kids in front of us who waved their hands to the ABBA renditions.
So cute.

My favourite song would have to be "slipping through my fingers" I could so envision my mom singing that to me, apart from the the fact that she never sing. Ha. I will possibly sing this song to my daughter. Oh, so sad.

I swear, it brings tear to my eyes every time.

"If you change your mind, I'm the first in line"

There were 3 old men (60-ish) sitting behind us in the cinema. They started singing (during the end credits) so I could NOT just allow them to sing with me sitting quietly in my seat. So I stood up and sang. Ha. So me!

To those who havent watch it- go and watch it asap.
Really.

20th July
Shopping shopping shopping.

21st July
One of my best friend is leaving UK for good. She completed her undergraduate course here in the BIGCITY and decided to work in our home country rather than doing her Foundation Year training here.
I was of course so sad. aih.
This girl is one of the best person I've ever met.
Never judge me- although I have to admit that my life is abnormal in a lot of sense. Always supportive and wise.
I take her as my big sis (as I dont have one) and definitely will miss her dearly.
I would have cry if it were just me and her at the airport, but since there were also presence of other not-so-close people, I knew I should not. Public display of emotion is abnormal in our culture. But then again, everything about me is abnormal.
Babe, let me tell you this- I was crying inside then, what if I fall sick missing you?

22nd July
Practiced my oral presentation.
And did a bit of house cleaning. We are moving out of this house towards the end of July so the house will be free for rent. Two group of viewers came to visit. One dissed the house. HOW DARE! (the wife is actually a frigging complainer who threw insults to the house). And the other group signed for the house. They are the lucky group, this house is so pretty.

23rd July
First day of presentation.
A lot of very good topics.
Put me to shame.
Was absolutely tired toward the end of the day (honestly, some presentations just sent me straight to my lala land even in the lecture theatre)

quick note

2008-07-24T00:15:00.003+01:00

Hi all.
I am practicing for my BIGPROJECT presentation. Like now.
Hours 1150 24th July, after that... yaahhoooooo!

So will update about my good weekend, losing voice (!), the presentation and the end of year 4 (finally) in the next entry.
Watch the space.

Do pray that I will be able to answer all the questions that will be fired at me.
Thanks.
p53.

My Sincerest Thank

2008-07-17T20:27:00.006+01:00

I would like to express my sincerest thank to my BIGPROJECT Tutor, Dr Supervisor, for his guidance and support throughout this project.

Haa.. what the hell was that?
That was the acknowledgment bit of my written report. Which could only mean one thing- yeah I finished my report- hell yeah!

But that was what I wrote on the acknowledgment bit. Actually what I wanted to do was to write a heartfelt letter for him.

It should go like this:-

Dear Dr Supervisor,

Thanks for being my supervisor.
THANKS (with such intonation- like whatever).
But no, thanks really.

First, thanks for having me as your student.
I'm one hell of a problem. Sure you didn't know that when you agreed to be my supervisor. Have you ever feel like backing out from being my supervisor? I wonder.

Thanks for putting up with me when I argued about basically about everything especially at the beginning of the project.

And putting up with my English. Written and spoken.

Thanks so much for proofreading my written report so many times. Grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, syntax errors, presentation, formatting etc. Thanks supervisor. It was very helpful.

Thanks for allowing me to use your computer and printer. I printed so many things that I could have easily killed a tree myself.

It's amazing how our passwords are similar. I know, great minds think alike.

Thanks for fighting for/with me with the people downstairs. They are just lazy.

Right from the very beginning, it has always been a love and hate relationship between us.
You behave like Jekyll and Hyde, being nice and all then flipping quickly into something mean.
Its only fair as I behave like an unstable matter, being present at once and disappearing for the next (few?) days.

You was very demanding.
I told you, I was pretty laid back. So that's why I put down my feet when you asked me to do extra work.
All excuses about timing and logistics were purely lies. Sorry.
I have to live by my principle.

Sorry again for not telling you I went for a holiday. I just didn't want to make you feel sad to be left in rainy and soggy UK while I was enjoying myself in the sun. I guess it's ok now that you're going to some hot countries in the Middle East for holiday starting from tomorrow.

Sorry for the countless cursing that were direct or indirectly associated with you. I do curse. Like many others. When you saw smile on my face, half of the time I was thinking, it would be so nice if I could kill you. Sweet victory.

When you laughed at few things that I said or wrote, I thought, wow you have a very good English, but then when I thought again, your comments were not far from being pure sarcasm.

I wasn't bothered though. Which I guess must had been manifested clearly on my face. And yours turned red. Do you remember that? Ha.

Sorry. **silence for half a min here**

Sorry too for all the disappearing act that I had done in the last three months. The skill has somehow improved. hehe.

Do I enjoy working with you? I asked myself. Yes and no, yes on the good days, but no for the days that you almost killed me mentally.

Now let me ask you, do you enjoy working with me?

Will I do this again with you? No thanks.
Will I do a placement in cancer department again? Hmmm.. tough question.. I have always like cancer, but after doing this project I feel as if I don't want anything to do with oncology for the rest of my life. The bitter taste of my own medicine. Probably that was highly influenced by the fact that I had to do all the boring stuff. Reading case notes, doing statistics and writing report. These things weren't exactly patient centered. I do seriously miss patients' contact.

Why the hell that I chose you in the first place?
(come on readers are dying to know)
You're eccentric. As simple as that. I thought I'd rather work with someone eccentric than working with someone plain boring.
Eccentric in what way? That I cant really explain. Hardworking- crazy- funny- weird hybrid kind of person. Difficult to second guess. Difficult to get along with.

Extremely clever. Too clever even for some of my tricks. Tsk..tsk..tsk.

Cross my fingers that I'll be as clever but less as crazy as you.

Thanks now can you give me high mark please?
p53 xoxo

Portfolio exercise for foundation application

2008-07-17T00:42:00.002+01:00

huh.. a very serious topic... so not like me... but let me tell you all about it- just for a bit....

Amidst all the datelines of BIGPROJECT, we had a portfolio session slotted in our timetable today. Some big shots from BIGCITY came. OoOoOo...

Loads of things crossed my mind, few of which crossed my lips- shared with others. Fellow students seemed to have better example. But what you've learn personally thats count!
Got a moment where ideas of which example will be the best experience for the different sections of the foundation application... (sections that everyone kinda expected to be in the application anyway.. like teamwork)

I certainly never paid much attention to getting my portfolio done consistently with substance. Like many others, portfolio is a thing of a one or two days of frenzy prior to portfolio meeting... wham bang and voila... People from most of the other medical schools don't even have to do it. Trust me it helps (gosh, I cant believe I'm actually saying this- it helps a bit if not much). Reflection upon reflection really does make me think about ways to improve myself.

So bring on the foundation application!

Question time

2008-07-16T03:33:00.005+01:00

Does anyone has any idea what the diagram above is about?
GBP1.00 to correct guesses (limited to first 3 correct guesses- will be paid through PayPal).
Seriously.

Afterthoughts

2008-07-15T21:33:00.005+01:00

Last weekend was tough. I came very close to getting depressed. All because of this stupid BIG PROJECT that seems like its never gonna end. I wrote a very negative entry previously and I apologized to those who had (unluckily) read it. I deleted it as it didnt completely represent me and the nice person I am. Psst.. It was p35, an evil-ridden person in me that will come out when I'm feeling stressed out.

So yet again another weekend spent slaving to the need of completing project report. And what difficult task it was. It took me hours to figure out which statistical analysis is relevant the weekend before and this weekend more hours to figure out how to present them. However discussion section was by far the most difficult part for me.

Why oh why do we have to suffer like this?

Weather was not great. It was shit in fact. I can't wait until this Big Project finishes, then I can go to southern europe for my holiday. I'm counting days.

Due to this project and its demanding need (especially compulsory meetings with supervisor ACCORDING TO HIS FREE-TIME) I had missed few but very major things.
i) My best friend's graduation day in BIGCITY. ARRRGHHHH!
ii) I couldn't go to wave off my best friend's at the airport when she was leaving UK for good.
iii) A trip of a lifetime to Italy.

I absolutely hate this project now. Like I said, I'm counting days.

Repent

2008-07-13T04:45:00.002+01:00

Repent! Repent! Repent!

Abbreviations

2008-07-11T16:44:00.002+01:00

F! PO!

How to have an amazing bath

2008-07-10T13:03:00.003+01:00

oi) get the stuff ready.... you will need things to revive your senses. *more on this later*
ii) prepare yourself... if needs be prep up yourself by chanting (I will have nice bath today x5) from the break of dawn until it actually happen... there's something about anticipation that is really enticing...
iii) make sure no one will need the bathroom for the next 1 hour... leave notes, just lock yourself in- to hell about other ppl; do whatever to secure precious slot (even more so in a house of 5 girls)

Things you may need....
i) Hot water... I usually run the water very very hot. Almost scalding point to others I reckon, but I likkkkeeee.... Some ppl like it shallow, some may want it deep. Mine is brimming to the edges.
ii) Super nice smelling bubble bath/soap/gel. Last night I had a bath bomb from L.U.S.H. How very posh? I had it for ages (almost forgotten about it)... it has got some sort of sea salt/sand in it. I haven't been to a beach for a long long time, but I'm certain that the taste of the water (when it splashed, not me drinking it) was that of a sea origin.
iii) Loofah, sponge and the likes.
iv) Candle(s). Just to set the mood- switch of the light and watch the light flickers.. which is very soothing me thinks.
v) Book. A good one. *Details about the book that I'm currently reading will be in the next entry.*
vi) Coffee. Yeah- weird I know... but try having a cup of nicely brew HOT coffee.
vii) Music if you want to. Or sing it yourself. Like me.

Having a long hot bath is a spiritual act for me. Cleansing and rejuvenating. Feel the softness of the bubble around your skin, hear the music and let it crosses your heart, close your eyes and imagine the flicker of the candle wick, tempt your tastebuds with strong flavour and read book that you like. Put in few drops of essential oil to heighten sensation. Escape into your own universe and forget about the world for a moment. Take time to reflect and be thankful to God.

Now imagine these.

*The water is so hot that when you get out of the bath, a steam of vapour radiate from your skin. Like dry ice on display.
*I'm only thin, when I breathe in, my body kinda float above the water. The alternating floating out and sinking in is highly amusing.
*Try singing with both ears submerged under the water level. The sound that you can hear is purely that of bone conduction. And I love this song.
*Dont you just like the squeaky clean sensation on the calves after exfoliation and the cling of protective later of bath ingredients on your shoulder?

PS: Now who would like to share a bath with me?

In patient's shoes

2008-07-09T21:46:00.003+01:00

Pardon the cliche.

I was a patient today. Have got some sort of procedure done to my eyes. Sheeesh. It wasn't painful at all but I still felt sorry for myself. I walked out of the hospital straight into a bed (at a friend's place). At first I thought I want to cry, but then I thought again- if it wasn't painful, why the hell should I cry. Possibly I'm feeling SOOOOOOO sorry for myself.

With all things being said about NHS and its downfall, I beg to differ. NHS isn't that bad. Waiting time (to get a follow-up appointment) is probably longer than what I would have like it to be, but at point of service delivery, its up to the standard. All the staff at the Eye Ward treated me with respect. No.. its not just the cup of coffee that they offered me after the procedure that won me over, it was the great service that I received the entire time I was there.

Prior to the procedure*, I was consented by my ophthalmologist. (Editor's Note: Notice p53 habit of calling any doctor as hers, MY ophthalmologist, MY consultant) Let us call him Mr V. I've met Mr V before this. He explained the procedure and all the time I gazed into his blue eyes. How appropriate? A decent man with gorgeous eyes as an ophthalmologist. Aw.. He is definitely one of the doctors that could easily be someone who I want to be like. Very charming.

After inserting two set of silicon into my eyes, he said: "that's beautiful"

And I was like, oh...(dopey-eyed) thank you Mr V. But I didn't.

He must have meant it for me right? He couldn't be referring to the silicon right? Its just merely a microscopic object that he has probably seen millions times before.

But in my parallel, imaginary world I would have said so. "That's beautiful" will refer to my eye(s). Yours truly.

So there you go. I have got silicon somewhere in my eyes.

Now at the time of writing (which about 12 hours post procedure) I still am feeling sorry for myself. Even the best bath** I ever had could not lift my spirit up. So, don't mess around with me tonight.

*Procedure: insert silicon to lacrimal ducts to prevent dry eyes to further prevent damage to corneas. I had temporary ones inserted into them ducts about a month ago.
**Story about the best bath in next entry.

Weekend Alert

2008-07-07T13:08:00.003+01:00

So many things happened the weekend just past, I don't even know where to start. And half of these things are so personal, I can't just write them all down.* Although if the weekend could be translated into a biography, it'll certainly attract many many readers. So many drama!

The weekend was all about my friends, BIG CITY, some one leaving on a jet plane (woo!), a flawed proposal, a fake smile, my best friend's wedding(!), roses, shopping, wedding gifts, my crush, another wedding announcement, Angelina Jolie and James Mc Avoy, Wimbledon's final and food GLORIOUS food.

The myriad of emotions that rushed over me all weekend was tough to explain here. I'm very weird in that sense; for everything that happened my feeling is usually OTT. Intensified close to being an emotional wreck at times.

As I don't feel comfortable telling all the stories here, I'll include excerpts from few songs instead to enable you guys to imagine what had taken over me- emotionally.

Then again it's good to get a call
Now and then just to say hello
Have I said I hate to see you go..... (for the one leaving on the jet plane!)
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again....(is this how love should evolve in my world?)
Love each other or perish.... (ok, this one is not from a song, a quote from a fav book of mine)

*I'm not good in expressing myself that way...

A lil' concert

2008-07-03T09:32:00.002+01:00

Last night I went to a little charity concert do at a local park organized by fellow students to raise money for a charity in Bangladesh. The thing about this concert was that, even though that it was really small scale business (nothing like Glastonbury), it felted really warm. Warm - not the temperature warm- but the warmth that glow from within knowing that you had done something good for the day by helping others. All collection (from ticket sales and cakes sales) and donation will go towards building a school for blind children in Bangladesh.

Ok enough about that. Now on to highlights of the night.

i) My BIG PROJECT tutor performed!!! Yeah, he did. And he did look like he was completely enjoying himself on the centre stage. He was in a two man band with another consultant. They played us few songs which I reckon must be very famous songs in their era. Because I hardly know any! ha! So maybe I can get away yet for another few days not writing up as his is in such a good mood.

ii) My O&G consultant was there too! Remember him? You guys maybe wondering why were there so many consultants and medic students there - oh well- what do you expect - an event organized by medical students for medical students and consultants. Performers were the same group again + few budding talents from local university.

iii) Oppps.. this gonna be about my O&G consultant again. haha. I looooveeeee him. I said and I'm quoting myself "He is the best looking 50y-o man, hands down!" One of my friends said and I quote "But he got small bum!" haha. HM#1 came very close to blurting out to him that I (yes, I = p53) have a crush on him. Sigh - what if i really do?

iv) One of my friends sang. Beautifully. It was a Eva Cassidy's rendition of Sting's song. I never heard of it before, but apparently it is very famous. Her voice was impeccable. But I know deep down she must had been very nervous. You can just tell from the look of the corner of her eyes. No direct eyes contact with audience.

v) One of my male friends played saxophone (which was fantastic- never thought that one playing saxophone can attract so much attention) and one of my friends (a girl from the year below) almost died. Not literally. Die of ecstasy (also not the literal meaning) more like it. haha. She has always like this guy. Let me give a brief description about this guy: more than 6' tall, tan, well-toned, muscular, well-mannered, out-of-bed golden brunette hair, greenish-brown eyes. So imagine how he looks like. Now. He has a girlfriend though. A pretty one too. So bless him.

vi) Me and my friend asked my O&G consultant to ask the other two performing consultants for our behalf; for a 5 min session with them. O boy, I almost died of intimidation of singing to two most respectable gynae-onco doctors in the Trust. It was life-changing! My friend sounded much better than me, I have to say.

Excuses

2008-07-01T17:02:00.003+01:00

You guys know right how am I struggling to do my BIG PROJECT? Yeah, I'm still am. I find it very hard to concentrate on doing work and getting on with all the data processing. Yet I still have time to do everything else non-work related such as: singing, learning how to play guitar, going for dinners, BBQs, baking and volunteering.

Last Sunday, it came to realization that I ran out of excuses to give to my tutor already. Shit. Shit indeed. By that time I was shitting my pants thinking about what to say to him (as opposed to actually thinking of how to gradually doing my work) come Monday. So I stayed up all night, hell yeah, all night and Monday morning to alter of my poorly written article.

So, Monday morning, having not sleeping for God knows how many hours since Sunday, I went in all black eyes and rough. I presented to him my findings and whoop whoop...... my (crap) statistical analysis. He said well done. Yeehaa!

That's it. I'm done until at least next Wed.

For readers benefit, I'll write down excuses that I had given so far. Please do not use these excuses as they may not work for others (although ALL of them did work for me in a plausible way).

i) I'm unwell.
ii) I woke up late.
iii) I need to go down to BIG CITY.
iv) I've got a doctor appointment.
v) I'm volunteering.
vi) I haven't done that bit because I've been busy doing the other part.
vii) I want to re-write that section as I am NOT satisfy with what I had written down so far.
viii) I need to read few more papers before I can write the critical appraisal.
ix) I'm done with reading research papers that you suggested, but I haven't written down anything.
x) I don't know where to start.
xi) I need to read some statistics books before I can analyze the data, I haven't have a clue how to.
xii) I have a meeting with the statistician next week, until then I can't really analyze my data.
xiii) I had written them, but I haven't print them out.
xiv) I need to collect some more data.
xv) I forget that I promised you that I will meet you then. Sorrrrrrrryyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! I completely forgot!!!
xvi) After I read the guideline, I think I need to change few things.
xvii) I have not done the change I said I will. Erkk!!

A Fine Frenzy

2008-06-29T02:25:00.004+01:00

I stumbled across this artist by chance on YouTube. For a split second, I was crossed with myself for a bit for not knowing this song any earlier.
OMG... the first time I heard this song, I felt a surge of deepest emotion resurfaced. This will be the perfect song for an 'almost lover' I have (note the present tense verb used- yeah- have not had). The entire lyric is exactly what I want to say to him.
Has she (Alison Sudol) been foreseeing things about to happen between me and him? "spanish lullabies""you took my hand and danced with me" "you told me you would never, never forget". [Insert sad face here: aaaarrgghh good memories turn into painful reminders]

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

~~~Too bad at the moment I cant really say these words to him*~~~

*Him = not my ex, nor my crush

From Morocco with Love

2008-06-28T20:50:00.018+01:00

This is me. Pretty, I know.

**I wont upload picture(s) that can give away my identity. Or other people's. This blog is strictly anonymous.**

Sleepy & Reasonably Pretty

Work

GAH

TANZANIA

Yippadeduh, yippededuh....

Pain and shit

Malicious

What to wear?

Patient tales (except that none of these are fairytale)

Blake Lively vs Kristin Stewart vs Leighton Meester

Bicester Village

Managing an arrest

Plastic Surgery

M*** ***

MALE AND FEMALE MYTHS

hahahahahha

I hate my medical school

Lets do some maths

Fashion week

Saja-saja

I've been a bum

PS2

Pics from London

Which one is worse?

X6

Happiness is....

Mission Compare Part 1

Exam, result and thereafter

Coldest winter in 13 years!

Who's that girl?

According to plan

I'm so upset its untrue...

I want!!!

Amazingness

Poladroid Part 1

and...

Shout out to all of this blog readers

Tribute to James

Poladroid

Is this what I want to do, really?

Dreams

Its cold!!!

Harrrrrroooowwwww!!!!

Herbert the Pervert

When is it gonna snow?

Edward Cullen

Breaking bad news

Vacuum

Things I'm into Right Now

Songs

Family Guy

Moon

Alex- the winner of Xfactor 2008

Train

Gossip Girl Update

Weekend

To anatomy body donors (in heaven)

The Gaudi Key

Being mom

I kissed a girl and I like it....

Updates

Of course

Series of unfortunate events

GP land

Wish me well

If I know how to do magic

Nauseous

Who wear what?

Its scareyyyyyy...

Pictures

Photolog

What's on TV?

Eating Disorder

Early morning awakening

Snippets

Updates

Blogging so far

HIV

How much sex is enough?

Ceilidh Dance

M* *